Okay people, it is my last day of work for this year and i am not feeling it at all. Why you ask.......well we went out last night to celebrate the end of the campaign, although it doesn't end until the last day of this year, this is our last time together before the new year.
I guess a lot of people appreciate me because seriously....i did not buy a single drink. I intended to not stay out to long, just go for a drink of two because i wanted to get home to grab dinner. But next thing i know it is like 10:30, i have drank 4 and a half pints and i am really tipsy. All i ate yesterday was a few timbits and a burger and fries, so i had absolutely no carbs to soak up the alcohol and i don't drink much any more so i have lost my high tolerance.
I embarrassingly had the hiccups all the way home on the subway. And if you know our family, you know we don't do quiet hiccups...they are loud! I was so embarrassed, i tried to hide the hiccups but hiding my face in my coat but than i was the weird, hiccupy girl on the subway. There was no saving the subway right...if you were on the subway last night with a weird, slightly drunk, hiccupy girl....sorry, that was me.
Now i have to make it until 1pm...then i can go home...unless we have so donations left to process....but all i really want is to just go home.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Positivity
So i want to just write a quick post. I am very busy at work, we are being very positive but we have some distance to go still, and 3 and a half days left of work.
On a positive and fun note, we are having our fun floor lunch today. It should be fun and entertaining and exciting.
I also started cleaning my apartment last night. Now you guys all know, i am a messy sort of person. I love and thrive in chaos. So cleaning my apartment is never a fun time for me. But i look to find ways to make it more exciting and fun. Last night, i put in a very old but favourite movie of mine "the faculty". i am going to have to get it on DVD or something soon because i only have it on VHS and it was very grainy and not the best quality but i loved every minute of that movie.
And with that movie on...i did a good dent into my cleaning. The bedroom still needs a lot of work...a clothes bomb exploded in there. but i am going to take the time off to go through my clothes and donate all the clothes i don't wear any more in hopes of streamlining my wardrobe. Maybe get it down to a manageable amount that actually fits in my closets.
On a positive and fun note, we are having our fun floor lunch today. It should be fun and entertaining and exciting.
I also started cleaning my apartment last night. Now you guys all know, i am a messy sort of person. I love and thrive in chaos. So cleaning my apartment is never a fun time for me. But i look to find ways to make it more exciting and fun. Last night, i put in a very old but favourite movie of mine "the faculty". i am going to have to get it on DVD or something soon because i only have it on VHS and it was very grainy and not the best quality but i loved every minute of that movie.
And with that movie on...i did a good dent into my cleaning. The bedroom still needs a lot of work...a clothes bomb exploded in there. but i am going to take the time off to go through my clothes and donate all the clothes i don't wear any more in hopes of streamlining my wardrobe. Maybe get it down to a manageable amount that actually fits in my closets.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Baking Adventures
You are all aware of my love of baking. And my need to do a large amount of Christmas baking....well....this was the weekend. I usually bake much earlier than the weekend before Christmas but i have been quite busy for the last like 2 months of weekends. In fact...this weekend was suppose to be my relaxing weekend with one day of baking and one day of movies and crafting. But, baking on Saturday didn't progress as fast and as easy as expected. Also dad got into the spirit and insisted on baking with me and the item he baked took very VERY long in the oven. I loved that he wanted to help and the cake he made is wonderful...it just set me back and i ended up back at mom and dad's on Sunday.
So two days of baking, 3 pounds of butter, lots of egg and sugar and here is what i made:
Lemon-Lime crinkle cookies
Tangerine Butter cookies
Butterscotch Toffee squares
Chocolate peanut butter squares
Candy Cane sugar cookies
Chocolate Chip and Skor Bit cookies
So now that i have finished that, i can rest and take it easy the rest of the week? not so much...i want to clean up my apartment tonight, shopping with dad tomorrow night, meet up with heather on Wednesday, and boot camp on Thursday.
I believe as of Friday at 1pm, i am shutting off my brain and having a nice relaxing holiday. At least that is the plan!
So two days of baking, 3 pounds of butter, lots of egg and sugar and here is what i made:
Lemon-Lime crinkle cookies
Tangerine Butter cookies
Butterscotch Toffee squares
Chocolate peanut butter squares
Candy Cane sugar cookies
Chocolate Chip and Skor Bit cookies
So now that i have finished that, i can rest and take it easy the rest of the week? not so much...i want to clean up my apartment tonight, shopping with dad tomorrow night, meet up with heather on Wednesday, and boot camp on Thursday.
I believe as of Friday at 1pm, i am shutting off my brain and having a nice relaxing holiday. At least that is the plan!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Hipster Leanings
So you know how i love my skinny jeans that are kind of jegging like. Well i have been thinking for a long time that coloured jeans might be fun, red in particular. But you know how i have these horrible hipster leanings and i am afraid one wrong purchase and i fall right into the hipster category.
BUT....i found these red jean.....jegging jeans at American Eagle....now i don't normally shop at that store because i am not in high school....okay, i have never really felt that store, me and AE...we have never really been friends, they make clothes for tall skinny girls and let's face it...i have a big apple butt, hips, and boobs. But i was with a friend and she wanted to stop in to buy a Christmas present...and what do i see, red skinny jeans. I am drawn towards them....
I must investigate these pants further. They are soft and stretchy but they still more jean then legging. They are perfect. But of course being that this is a tiny person store, they don't have anything over a size 6. So i forgot about them.
But, i couldn't really....and last night, i found myself on the AE website......reading reviews about the fit of the pants....they are all amazingly positive reviews...i add a pair to a my shopping bag. But then i think...do i want to buy something, pants especially, that i have never even tried on, and then do i buy on the larger size or the smaller size? I was still so torn, i didn't buy them.
So do i buy them because i really really want them or do i restrain myself and not buy them? Are red jeans a step to far into hipster? How far can i go without losing my identity. If i start loving things ironically and only wearing fashion to mock it....please SAVE ME!
BUT....i found these red jean.....jegging jeans at American Eagle....now i don't normally shop at that store because i am not in high school....okay, i have never really felt that store, me and AE...we have never really been friends, they make clothes for tall skinny girls and let's face it...i have a big apple butt, hips, and boobs. But i was with a friend and she wanted to stop in to buy a Christmas present...and what do i see, red skinny jeans. I am drawn towards them....
I must investigate these pants further. They are soft and stretchy but they still more jean then legging. They are perfect. But of course being that this is a tiny person store, they don't have anything over a size 6. So i forgot about them.
But, i couldn't really....and last night, i found myself on the AE website......reading reviews about the fit of the pants....they are all amazingly positive reviews...i add a pair to a my shopping bag. But then i think...do i want to buy something, pants especially, that i have never even tried on, and then do i buy on the larger size or the smaller size? I was still so torn, i didn't buy them.
So do i buy them because i really really want them or do i restrain myself and not buy them? Are red jeans a step to far into hipster? How far can i go without losing my identity. If i start loving things ironically and only wearing fashion to mock it....please SAVE ME!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I had forgotten
When i left customer support for that job in donations at my old work, i was showered with amazingly nice compliments and feelings of love and appreciation. I had made friends and family in customer support, they appreciated me, they didn't know how they would get on without me but they wanted only the best for me and were happy i was moving on.
When i left donations for my current job, my co-workers threw me a little party, but it was clear that it wasn't coming from the department, only my co-workers. I felt like i could walk away and no one would even notice. I spent so long in that department being a nobody, and you know me....i like to shine. I don't even need to shine much....but positive reinforcement is important to me. It makes me feel like people are noticing i am doing my best and putting a real effort into the department. That job really broke me down and made me feel worthless.
Now at my current (amazing) job, we had a team lunch on Monday and it was delicious and nice and they surprised the support staff (aka me and my two co-workers) with a lovely present and wonderful words. Dad thinks this means i will get a permanent job here but i am not even thinking about that because you know what....it is just nice to feel appreciated again. To have someone notice your effort and say good job.
The present was a lovely bottle of wine and a gift card to the mall because they know how much i love shopping. Do they know me or what.
I think i might use the gift card to help me buy those suede shoes.
Anyways....you should take a moment today and tell people how much you appreciate them...it doesn't take much effort and it can really make someones day!
When i left donations for my current job, my co-workers threw me a little party, but it was clear that it wasn't coming from the department, only my co-workers. I felt like i could walk away and no one would even notice. I spent so long in that department being a nobody, and you know me....i like to shine. I don't even need to shine much....but positive reinforcement is important to me. It makes me feel like people are noticing i am doing my best and putting a real effort into the department. That job really broke me down and made me feel worthless.
Now at my current (amazing) job, we had a team lunch on Monday and it was delicious and nice and they surprised the support staff (aka me and my two co-workers) with a lovely present and wonderful words. Dad thinks this means i will get a permanent job here but i am not even thinking about that because you know what....it is just nice to feel appreciated again. To have someone notice your effort and say good job.
The present was a lovely bottle of wine and a gift card to the mall because they know how much i love shopping. Do they know me or what.
I think i might use the gift card to help me buy those suede shoes.
Anyways....you should take a moment today and tell people how much you appreciate them...it doesn't take much effort and it can really make someones day!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Christmas Spirit
Christmas is in less than two weeks and i haven't really been feeling the spirit. I have been busy and distracted. But tonight, i felt like i needed a Christmas cheer injection. I went and bought myself a real mini tree, it isn't the greatest...the selection was pretty picked over but it is cute and tiny and just what i needed to get Christmas started.
Work is really crazy right now, we have a goal we need to get to, and although all tracking is good, we are still a long way from our goal and only two weeks left. So lot's of stress at work. Lots to do. Today, i accidentally broke my filing cabinet, and had to get help to fix it.
What else is new.....well we have a work gift exchange next week and we need to bring a gift, limit is $10, so do i knit a scarf this weekend, or do i buy a holiday lotto pack?
Work is really crazy right now, we have a goal we need to get to, and although all tracking is good, we are still a long way from our goal and only two weeks left. So lot's of stress at work. Lots to do. Today, i accidentally broke my filing cabinet, and had to get help to fix it.
What else is new.....well we have a work gift exchange next week and we need to bring a gift, limit is $10, so do i knit a scarf this weekend, or do i buy a holiday lotto pack?
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Party
So, it's Sunday night, i went to bed last night at 3:30am and got up at 8:45am for yoga class at 9:30am. Crazy right? Actually i feel quite invigorated today and not at all yucky.
How was the party.....it was amazing, it went really great! Now the task of being a hostest is quite time consuming, every time i sat down to catch up with someone, a person requested one of my signature drinks. Yes, that's right me and Amy and Justin all had signature drinks for everyone to try. Not that i am biased or anything but mine was delicious.....okay, i am totally biased.
What rocked about the party, everyone looked wonderful, Ryan did an amazing job with music (superstar), the food - Justin did amazing, and the people.
What disappointed me slightly....i didn't really get to catch up with the people i wanted too. I kept getting distracted...maybe i have ADD, every time i talked to someone, there was so much noise, i had trouble focusing on the person in front of me. It was a little overwhelming.....by the end of the night, i was a little mad at myself. Does what i am saying make sense...not really.
I mean, i had amazing time and i am so happy that everyone else had a great time....and i believe we are going to do it again next year! But sometimes i wish, we all just snuggled up in some pj's and watched a movie. I miss snuggling with people, hugs and snuggles, the closeness with another person, a large party is amazing and super fun to catch up with people but not so great with bonding and closeness.
Okay, be prepared, i am going off on a major side tangent. But my insecurities are acting up again...and i need to vent them so i can acknowledge them, concur them and then move on. Although, my process doesn't seem to be working so well because it is the same insecurity over and over again. From the outside last night, i was dressed amazing, making up and hair rocked and although i kept yanking down my dress/tunic because really it was way too short to call it a dress, it was a well planned and amazing outfit, i planned and loved every detail of it. But if that is the case, why did i not feel very pretty last night? I felt insecure and awkward and overwhelmed. Why do i continue to seek acceptance and approval from people? why do i keep waiting for some guy to wake up and notice me....and why when i am attracted to someone, i can't even maintain eye contact or i become some sort of weird fidgety awkward kid? I know why....i am a coward...i would prefer to wear a mask than let someone see my vulnerability. Seems weird, wanting to hide my vulnerability in person when i basically bare my soul in this blog all the time. But it is one thing to write it down anonymously it is another to look another person in the eyes worrying that they will somehow see through you, see your feelings.
It's such a catch-22, i am finally ready and searching for a person who will love me as i am, who will see me but all the people i am attracted too, i have trouble letting them actually see me. I can't control my fears and awkwardness.
Okay...sorry.....depressing and blah...that was not the point of this post...but it has been waying on my mind since the party....surrounded by friends....wishing i wasn't so afraid.
How was the party.....it was amazing, it went really great! Now the task of being a hostest is quite time consuming, every time i sat down to catch up with someone, a person requested one of my signature drinks. Yes, that's right me and Amy and Justin all had signature drinks for everyone to try. Not that i am biased or anything but mine was delicious.....okay, i am totally biased.
What rocked about the party, everyone looked wonderful, Ryan did an amazing job with music (superstar), the food - Justin did amazing, and the people.
What disappointed me slightly....i didn't really get to catch up with the people i wanted too. I kept getting distracted...maybe i have ADD, every time i talked to someone, there was so much noise, i had trouble focusing on the person in front of me. It was a little overwhelming.....by the end of the night, i was a little mad at myself. Does what i am saying make sense...not really.
I mean, i had amazing time and i am so happy that everyone else had a great time....and i believe we are going to do it again next year! But sometimes i wish, we all just snuggled up in some pj's and watched a movie. I miss snuggling with people, hugs and snuggles, the closeness with another person, a large party is amazing and super fun to catch up with people but not so great with bonding and closeness.
Okay, be prepared, i am going off on a major side tangent. But my insecurities are acting up again...and i need to vent them so i can acknowledge them, concur them and then move on. Although, my process doesn't seem to be working so well because it is the same insecurity over and over again. From the outside last night, i was dressed amazing, making up and hair rocked and although i kept yanking down my dress/tunic because really it was way too short to call it a dress, it was a well planned and amazing outfit, i planned and loved every detail of it. But if that is the case, why did i not feel very pretty last night? I felt insecure and awkward and overwhelmed. Why do i continue to seek acceptance and approval from people? why do i keep waiting for some guy to wake up and notice me....and why when i am attracted to someone, i can't even maintain eye contact or i become some sort of weird fidgety awkward kid? I know why....i am a coward...i would prefer to wear a mask than let someone see my vulnerability. Seems weird, wanting to hide my vulnerability in person when i basically bare my soul in this blog all the time. But it is one thing to write it down anonymously it is another to look another person in the eyes worrying that they will somehow see through you, see your feelings.
It's such a catch-22, i am finally ready and searching for a person who will love me as i am, who will see me but all the people i am attracted too, i have trouble letting them actually see me. I can't control my fears and awkwardness.
Okay...sorry.....depressing and blah...that was not the point of this post...but it has been waying on my mind since the party....surrounded by friends....wishing i wasn't so afraid.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Black Pumps
I am so glad it is Friday....But i have lots to accomplish today. Also, i need to re-evaluate my need for black pumps. I have never owned a straight pair of black pumps, i have 3 pairs of ankle boots, two pairs of motorcycle/combat boots, lots of flats and one pair of tall boots....but no pair of black pumps. I have been told that ever girl needs a plain pair of black pumps. But i have survived this long without a pair. is it really necessary for me to own a pair. And of course the pair i want isn't the most sensible pair of black pumps. They are super tall and suede.
As you can see....they are just a little too impractical to be my plain pair of black pumps. But they will make me like so much taller and .... and ..... i just want them.
As you can see....they are just a little too impractical to be my plain pair of black pumps. But they will make me like so much taller and .... and ..... i just want them.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
12 Days
Sorry to scare all of you but, there are 12 days left of work for me until a mini vacation. When you don't get vacation, you sort of become obsessed with time off. I think we can officially say that i am obsessed. Things are reeving up here because really we have 12 days left of campaign. 12 days left to raise funds.
Steph has suggested that i get these larabars for breakfast...since i have so much trouble eating breakfast. Well, it's day two. I am not a great fan...steph said that they were delicious but i find them a little too heavy on the date.
But the effort to get fit....it is a work in process. I wanted to be all fit and skinny for our Christmas party but then....i caved at ate some potato chips last night while watching glee. So i will be regular Me on Saturday and not super hot and skinny me. But either way we will still have super fun.
I have been doing some appetizer research and cocktail research...Martha Steward is a great website for that.
Steph has suggested that i get these larabars for breakfast...since i have so much trouble eating breakfast. Well, it's day two. I am not a great fan...steph said that they were delicious but i find them a little too heavy on the date.
But the effort to get fit....it is a work in process. I wanted to be all fit and skinny for our Christmas party but then....i caved at ate some potato chips last night while watching glee. So i will be regular Me on Saturday and not super hot and skinny me. But either way we will still have super fun.
I have been doing some appetizer research and cocktail research...Martha Steward is a great website for that.
Monday, December 5, 2011
SEQUINS
So i purchased a sequined dress for Saturday night.....but it is very VERY short. i will defiantly need to wear tights, or everyone will get a great view of my underwear....and i don't think that would be appropriate.
I almost bought this giant star necklace today....it was at Zara and was like $30. But then i would have to plan my whole outfit around that necklace....which i have done before but it would have been too much flash.
So....where do we stand....i have a dress, now i need to do shoes, tights, hair, accessory decisions. Then i guess i should do some food and beverage planning as well as so decoration planning.
I love that i have made the outfit the most important decision of the whole party. The sequins throw the whole decision process off. I was going to wear just a really cute short green dress but then i decided to go full sequin which is new for me...so i am now faced with some serious decisions....the dress will be the statement piece, so i will have to down play my jewelry, maybe i will just wear my pocket watch or just get a really plain necklace...earrings??? i just don't know. Then nails...i was going to wear red candy cane nail stickers but now it won't go with the outfit...so black nails. Finally - curly or straight....i am thinking curly but i think straight might be better....the theme of the outfit.....wild party girl, or sleek bad ass?
Vote NOW!!!! (thanks in advanced Alex!)
I almost bought this giant star necklace today....it was at Zara and was like $30. But then i would have to plan my whole outfit around that necklace....which i have done before but it would have been too much flash.
So....where do we stand....i have a dress, now i need to do shoes, tights, hair, accessory decisions. Then i guess i should do some food and beverage planning as well as so decoration planning.
I love that i have made the outfit the most important decision of the whole party. The sequins throw the whole decision process off. I was going to wear just a really cute short green dress but then i decided to go full sequin which is new for me...so i am now faced with some serious decisions....the dress will be the statement piece, so i will have to down play my jewelry, maybe i will just wear my pocket watch or just get a really plain necklace...earrings??? i just don't know. Then nails...i was going to wear red candy cane nail stickers but now it won't go with the outfit...so black nails. Finally - curly or straight....i am thinking curly but i think straight might be better....the theme of the outfit.....wild party girl, or sleek bad ass?
Vote NOW!!!! (thanks in advanced Alex!)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Weekend Warrior
So, last week was crazy with work. And i needed a weekend that would be awesome, relaxing on one hand and super fun on the other.
What did i do, well i had all these plans, go to the Muppet's movie, then meet up with the family, head to oakville, watch my amazingly talented cousin shine in a play and get in lots of wonderful family time...then hit up yoga on Sunday and off to my parents to hang out with my niece and nephew.
Great plan...right?
Well, nothing went the way i planned at all. It was still a great weekend, don't get me wrong, i love LOVE seeing the people i love, there is nothing like spending time with your family to feel like you truly belong. It was only small things that went off track. Another burst pipe from the construction on my street...then no Muppet's, then a very hot theatre, and a grumpy sister.
But it was still one of the best weekends i have had in awhile.
Although Ryan may have had the right idea about going directly to oakville. The eatons centre on a weekend before Christmas....completely insane.
What is up for this week? I am going to go look at sequined dresses, find some recipes for our cocktail parties and do lots of prep for our party. Finally i am going to do a bit of tidying so i can go pick up a REAL Christmas tree for my apartment. It will be my very first Christmas tree on my own!
What did i do, well i had all these plans, go to the Muppet's movie, then meet up with the family, head to oakville, watch my amazingly talented cousin shine in a play and get in lots of wonderful family time...then hit up yoga on Sunday and off to my parents to hang out with my niece and nephew.
Great plan...right?
Well, nothing went the way i planned at all. It was still a great weekend, don't get me wrong, i love LOVE seeing the people i love, there is nothing like spending time with your family to feel like you truly belong. It was only small things that went off track. Another burst pipe from the construction on my street...then no Muppet's, then a very hot theatre, and a grumpy sister.
But it was still one of the best weekends i have had in awhile.
Although Ryan may have had the right idea about going directly to oakville. The eatons centre on a weekend before Christmas....completely insane.
What is up for this week? I am going to go look at sequined dresses, find some recipes for our cocktail parties and do lots of prep for our party. Finally i am going to do a bit of tidying so i can go pick up a REAL Christmas tree for my apartment. It will be my very first Christmas tree on my own!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Going Crazy
So it has been a very busy week. What i really want is a day to sleep...sleep all day and all night and be very lazy. I think it is because i had that day on Sunday and now i want more. I forgot how fun really lazy days can be.
Also...i bought these white tights and i am wearing them with my dress right now and let me just say i really REALLY don't like the combination. I want to take the tights off but my legs are not shaved very greatly and it is a little cold for bare legs. I really don't know what to do with it.
I think i will go for lunch. Then maybe buy tights in a panic at the mall. Then change and regret these white tights.
This weekend is the play, Mike's play...i can't wait. It is going to be fun. And me and Amy are working on our menu for next weekend as well as making a few signature cocktails. I am so excited for next weekend, There have been a few worries about the low number of attendees. But really if the people i love are there who cares about anyone else!
Also...i bought these white tights and i am wearing them with my dress right now and let me just say i really REALLY don't like the combination. I want to take the tights off but my legs are not shaved very greatly and it is a little cold for bare legs. I really don't know what to do with it.
I think i will go for lunch. Then maybe buy tights in a panic at the mall. Then change and regret these white tights.
This weekend is the play, Mike's play...i can't wait. It is going to be fun. And me and Amy are working on our menu for next weekend as well as making a few signature cocktails. I am so excited for next weekend, There have been a few worries about the low number of attendees. But really if the people i love are there who cares about anyone else!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Blah
I am feeling yucky today. You know when you are on the precipice of sickness but you are working to battle it back. That is where i am right now. not feeling good, headache and throat starting to close off...but i am not there yet. So, it is time to battle the illness and take everything that prevents sickness, echienacia, vitamin c, cold fx....the whole shebang.
Normally i love days like this...rainy and dark...makes me want to be all cozy and stuff. but instead all i want to do is get into bed and sleep.
Also, i bought leggings from Ardenes....2 for 20 and seriously....they are like the most comfortable tights ever....slightly fuzzy on the inside and thick enough that i could wear them as pants, if i wanted but wouldn't. Anyways...i need more pairs! I also want black jegging/pants to wear to work.
Those are the updates of the day. Also i am feeling like crap but i am forcing myself to go to the toning class tonight. I must keep up my routine.
Normally i love days like this...rainy and dark...makes me want to be all cozy and stuff. but instead all i want to do is get into bed and sleep.
Also, i bought leggings from Ardenes....2 for 20 and seriously....they are like the most comfortable tights ever....slightly fuzzy on the inside and thick enough that i could wear them as pants, if i wanted but wouldn't. Anyways...i need more pairs! I also want black jegging/pants to wear to work.
Those are the updates of the day. Also i am feeling like crap but i am forcing myself to go to the toning class tonight. I must keep up my routine.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Mirror Games
I have always been very hard on myself. Even after all this work i have been doing to be more positive, i look in the mirror sometimes and all i see is my flaws, not my strengths.
I am trying something new. I thought of it in yoga yesterday, lying there at the end of the class, clearing my mind and i had a eureka moment. Why am i forcing myself to fit, why am i obsessing about people that don't notice me, why is the only thing i see when i get dressed is how large my stomach is?
So, from now on, i am going to work very hard, and i know i say this a lot and i can be a complete broken record when it comes to trying to be less hard on myself.....and that little voice never goes away. But for now....when i look in the mirror, i am going to think of 3 things that I like about myself. That way maybe when i look in the mirror there will be positive thoughts only. Not all negative, i hate how i look thinking 'if only i was skinnier' Then feeling bad about myself and then eating chips because it wasn't like i am ever going to get skinny anyways. It is a vicious cycle and i get stuck in it all the time. But here's the deal. It's not something that i will be able to just stop doing. This takes time and effort. Which i am working on.
Step 1. Get back into an exercise routine - CHECK starting week 3 of routine
Step 2. Start bringing a healthy lunch option - 50/50...i am bringing maybe like 3 times a week
Step 3. Breakfast - FAIL
Step 4. Mirror Game
I am trying something new. I thought of it in yoga yesterday, lying there at the end of the class, clearing my mind and i had a eureka moment. Why am i forcing myself to fit, why am i obsessing about people that don't notice me, why is the only thing i see when i get dressed is how large my stomach is?
So, from now on, i am going to work very hard, and i know i say this a lot and i can be a complete broken record when it comes to trying to be less hard on myself.....and that little voice never goes away. But for now....when i look in the mirror, i am going to think of 3 things that I like about myself. That way maybe when i look in the mirror there will be positive thoughts only. Not all negative, i hate how i look thinking 'if only i was skinnier' Then feeling bad about myself and then eating chips because it wasn't like i am ever going to get skinny anyways. It is a vicious cycle and i get stuck in it all the time. But here's the deal. It's not something that i will be able to just stop doing. This takes time and effort. Which i am working on.
Step 1. Get back into an exercise routine - CHECK starting week 3 of routine
Step 2. Start bringing a healthy lunch option - 50/50...i am bringing maybe like 3 times a week
Step 3. Breakfast - FAIL
Step 4. Mirror Game
Friday, November 25, 2011
DUDE!
Okay, so i would say, i am in the realm of fit. I can run 5km. I do boot camp once a week. And with all that, i still get winded going up the three flights of stairs at my subway station. I mean really....i can handle getting my butt handed to me once a week but can't walk up 3 measly flights of stairs without getting winded.
Another thing.....last night boot camp class was strength....i was still recovering from the toning class on Tuesday. Which means, my arms officially hate me and we aren't friends. Damn arms.
What are everyone's plans for the weekend? I am quite excited because Steph has agreed to let me take her shopping for new work clothes...so excited. And then my friend Kat is putting up her Christmas tree and i asked if she was christmasing up her place and she was like 'i don't know maybe' and now we are making an evening of it on Saturday evening. YAY CHRISTMAS.
Another thing.....last night boot camp class was strength....i was still recovering from the toning class on Tuesday. Which means, my arms officially hate me and we aren't friends. Damn arms.
What are everyone's plans for the weekend? I am quite excited because Steph has agreed to let me take her shopping for new work clothes...so excited. And then my friend Kat is putting up her Christmas tree and i asked if she was christmasing up her place and she was like 'i don't know maybe' and now we are making an evening of it on Saturday evening. YAY CHRISTMAS.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Dancing
Guess what, Telus has a commercial right now....i am sure you all know it. I don't care about the commercial, it is the music played in it that makes me dance. I have to dance to it every time the commercial is on. Sometimes i make Remy dance with me.
That is all that is new with me today.
That is all that is new with me today.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Arm Unevenness
So, Tuesday night i now go to this sculpt class for upper body toning. And i have learned i have decidedly uneven arms. My left arm is significantly weaker than my right....so significant that you can see a muscle on the right arm and see nothing on the left.
I am going to need to work a lot harder to get my left arm up to par. And then maybe one day i can show people my guns aka arm muscles.
The only problem with the sculpt class is i can't hold my arms very high up today without being in pain. But i should take a moment to recognize the superstar of our class. Steph has some serious arms right now. It is so impressive. She has been doing the sculpt class for awhile now.
Again, i can't wait for next weekend or the weekend after, it is going to be family paloza. I don't really have any plans for this weekend. I think i will knit and maybe do some baking. Maybe i will clean my apartment so if people want to come over next weekend, it will be okay.
I am going to need to work a lot harder to get my left arm up to par. And then maybe one day i can show people my guns aka arm muscles.
The only problem with the sculpt class is i can't hold my arms very high up today without being in pain. But i should take a moment to recognize the superstar of our class. Steph has some serious arms right now. It is so impressive. She has been doing the sculpt class for awhile now.
Again, i can't wait for next weekend or the weekend after, it is going to be family paloza. I don't really have any plans for this weekend. I think i will knit and maybe do some baking. Maybe i will clean my apartment so if people want to come over next weekend, it will be okay.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Got Game?
Okay.....me and Amy went out for dinner on Friday night and i was catching her up on my week, telling her about the progress with my work crush (zero progress) and brainstorming what to do about it. That brought up the topic of game. Amy being a big relationship girl and me being a long time single girl...you would think between the two of us we could come up with a decent plan. But here's the issue. I cannot transition from friend to more than friend. I don't have that ability...i don't know how to do it. And i don't think the way to go is just be like 'hey let's go out on a date' because well, i work with him for one and second...i am way way WAY too awkward and chicken shit for that approach.
This got me thinking, how do you get game, are some people naturally blessed with game or do they have to practice? And how do you practice, what sort of things should you practice? And i don't want so much game that i become a player...i just want enough game that i can ask a guy out without being all awkward. I need someone to practice on.
In reality...i just want someone who will like me for exactly who i am and appreciate all my quirks and weirdness. I want someone who will take me to the drive in and make out with me. I want someone who won't judge my messiness but who i will want to keep things tidy for.
Damn it...i have gone off topic and i swore to you guys i would keep my boy crazy rants down to a minimum. I don't want to be seen as that girl...the one desperate for a relationship, the one who will settle for the first guy that shows interest. But i also tried POF and it wasn't for me...i don't have the patience to put up with all the weirdos to find the good guys.
I worry that i have created unrealistic expectations for myself. That i am always waiting for that sign to know when it will be the right time. I am worried that i have waited too long, that i have put too much stock in signs, that i will always be too scared to take that chance. I am worried that i will always be attracted to unattainable guys.
Sorry...i have completely rambled off topic but i apparently needed to get introspective and tell you all my relationship fears again.
It is so weird saying this out loud because i have always been very certain that i didn't need it but...I really do want to fall in love.
PS. I painted my nails last night and i got distracted and now one hand has silver crackle over purple polish and the other hand is just purple. Do you think i can tell people it's on purpose?
This got me thinking, how do you get game, are some people naturally blessed with game or do they have to practice? And how do you practice, what sort of things should you practice? And i don't want so much game that i become a player...i just want enough game that i can ask a guy out without being all awkward. I need someone to practice on.
In reality...i just want someone who will like me for exactly who i am and appreciate all my quirks and weirdness. I want someone who will take me to the drive in and make out with me. I want someone who won't judge my messiness but who i will want to keep things tidy for.
Damn it...i have gone off topic and i swore to you guys i would keep my boy crazy rants down to a minimum. I don't want to be seen as that girl...the one desperate for a relationship, the one who will settle for the first guy that shows interest. But i also tried POF and it wasn't for me...i don't have the patience to put up with all the weirdos to find the good guys.
I worry that i have created unrealistic expectations for myself. That i am always waiting for that sign to know when it will be the right time. I am worried that i have waited too long, that i have put too much stock in signs, that i will always be too scared to take that chance. I am worried that i will always be attracted to unattainable guys.
Sorry...i have completely rambled off topic but i apparently needed to get introspective and tell you all my relationship fears again.
It is so weird saying this out loud because i have always been very certain that i didn't need it but...I really do want to fall in love.
PS. I painted my nails last night and i got distracted and now one hand has silver crackle over purple polish and the other hand is just purple. Do you think i can tell people it's on purpose?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Progress Made!
So, you know how i was all "i really need to get my exercising back on track". Well guess who has been all exercisey this week, run and yoga Sunday, rest Monday, and sculpting upper body on Tuesday. I have my weekly run tonight. and boot camp tomorrow night. That means, i will have exercised like all week. The sculpt class is a great addition, i really need it...and i think i may add the legs sculpt in on Saturday mornings but dude...i am so proud of me, this is a great schedule to help me get back on track.
But here's something i will need to look at, my good life member....all these exercises this week and not once to good life. But will i use the membership more when it gets cold. I need a gym facilities so i can work out...and running in the cold, not my favourite thing. Plus the good life just around the corner from my work is perfect for getting some cardio in. I should go to the classes but i hate the amount of people there are vs the amount of space available. But i would love to get a regular body flow class on my schedule as well as a body combat or step class...i enjoy both. I just need to find the time to fit it into my schedule...i am thinking Mondays and Fridays or maybe Tuesdays at lunch...who knows.
Side note, i found a present perfect for Alex, that's right Alex...i found something i think you may love! It involves harry potter and jewelry. If you want to buy her a present, contact me.
But here's something i will need to look at, my good life member....all these exercises this week and not once to good life. But will i use the membership more when it gets cold. I need a gym facilities so i can work out...and running in the cold, not my favourite thing. Plus the good life just around the corner from my work is perfect for getting some cardio in. I should go to the classes but i hate the amount of people there are vs the amount of space available. But i would love to get a regular body flow class on my schedule as well as a body combat or step class...i enjoy both. I just need to find the time to fit it into my schedule...i am thinking Mondays and Fridays or maybe Tuesdays at lunch...who knows.
Side note, i found a present perfect for Alex, that's right Alex...i found something i think you may love! It involves harry potter and jewelry. If you want to buy her a present, contact me.
Monday, November 14, 2011
The Party to launch the Christmas Season
So, now that most people are coming to T.O. for the Santa run, me and Amy have decided to host a fancy cocktail party that Saturday night. I am so excited, we are all going to get dressed up and have cocktails and appetizers and Christmas music. It will be wonderful.
In other news, i kick started my week yesterday with lots and lots of exercise. It is just what i needed to get back on the exercise train. I will be in super shape for all the party dresses i want to wear this Christmas. I started my day off yesterday with some Yoga, it was good, i haven't yoga'ed in awhile and i needed a good stretching out. Then i moved onto a run with my new running team, Katherine and Matt. I thought it was going to be a light 5km run...it turned into a very long 7km run. But we finished it and although my legs are pretty sore today. Yoga and a run...it feels like i am finally back on track!
Oh, i also saw my monkeys on Saturday, we played in the leaves. It was so much fun, when was the last time you just played in the leaves. We chased each other, threw leaves at each other, and even did leaf angels. I encourage you all to go play in the leaves before it gets too cold.
In other news, i kick started my week yesterday with lots and lots of exercise. It is just what i needed to get back on the exercise train. I will be in super shape for all the party dresses i want to wear this Christmas. I started my day off yesterday with some Yoga, it was good, i haven't yoga'ed in awhile and i needed a good stretching out. Then i moved onto a run with my new running team, Katherine and Matt. I thought it was going to be a light 5km run...it turned into a very long 7km run. But we finished it and although my legs are pretty sore today. Yoga and a run...it feels like i am finally back on track!
Oh, i also saw my monkeys on Saturday, we played in the leaves. It was so much fun, when was the last time you just played in the leaves. We chased each other, threw leaves at each other, and even did leaf angels. I encourage you all to go play in the leaves before it gets too cold.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
YAY Rings!
So, i don't know if i told you guys but i bought two rings, a florescent orange lightning bolt and a big red bow. I love them both...they are amazing and make me very happy.
Then i went shopping yesterday with Amy because there is a work-outing on Friday and as a social opportunity to interact with my work crush. (okay i know i wasn't going to talk about boys anymore but this is sort of more fashion related). As you know, i need an outfit for every occasion and this occasion is an 'i need to look hot but not slutty or skanky'. It is a more of a goal to always look my best.
But tradegy struck....work crush is not going to the work outing. i will not be able to make myself look more awesome than that person that he may or may not be dating. Oh well. I still went out shopping yesterday with Amy and got this awesome green dress. it is a little on the short side and i think it may smoochy my boobs a little too much but seriously it is an awesome dress. My theory was, look awesome, feel awesome. That is my theory all the time. Especially when i am starting to feel sick. like being fashionable can ward off illness. Which in my experience hasn't really happened yet..but i keep trying.
Okay...what was the point of this post???? Ummm...oh yah, new rings and a new dress. yay clothes.
Oh and i won't be able to work my man mojo (not that i really have any) with WC tomorrow at the work outing. Maybe before i find myself a guy, i should actually develop some moves because i have been thinking about it and i am always stuck in the friend zone, because i never know how to move out of that zone...it is like my curse and talent...i can make friends with almost anyone but i can never get a guy to see me as anything more. Maybe it is because i don't advertise the fact that i am looking for more and maybe because i am oblivious when someone wants more. But here's the difference between new me and old me, new me is open to a relationship...i use to be so anti relationship.
I know i said i wouldn't talk guys anymore....so ignore that last paragraph and listen to this....i did my first big colour change pattern on my sweater last night....it looks awesome. I must say, i am a complete natural at this sweater knitting thing. I have like 1/16th completed! and i have only been working on it for a week. I want to be wearing it by Christmas!
Then i went shopping yesterday with Amy because there is a work-outing on Friday and as a social opportunity to interact with my work crush. (okay i know i wasn't going to talk about boys anymore but this is sort of more fashion related). As you know, i need an outfit for every occasion and this occasion is an 'i need to look hot but not slutty or skanky'. It is a more of a goal to always look my best.
But tradegy struck....work crush is not going to the work outing. i will not be able to make myself look more awesome than that person that he may or may not be dating. Oh well. I still went out shopping yesterday with Amy and got this awesome green dress. it is a little on the short side and i think it may smoochy my boobs a little too much but seriously it is an awesome dress. My theory was, look awesome, feel awesome. That is my theory all the time. Especially when i am starting to feel sick. like being fashionable can ward off illness. Which in my experience hasn't really happened yet..but i keep trying.
Okay...what was the point of this post???? Ummm...oh yah, new rings and a new dress. yay clothes.
Oh and i won't be able to work my man mojo (not that i really have any) with WC tomorrow at the work outing. Maybe before i find myself a guy, i should actually develop some moves because i have been thinking about it and i am always stuck in the friend zone, because i never know how to move out of that zone...it is like my curse and talent...i can make friends with almost anyone but i can never get a guy to see me as anything more. Maybe it is because i don't advertise the fact that i am looking for more and maybe because i am oblivious when someone wants more. But here's the difference between new me and old me, new me is open to a relationship...i use to be so anti relationship.
I know i said i wouldn't talk guys anymore....so ignore that last paragraph and listen to this....i did my first big colour change pattern on my sweater last night....it looks awesome. I must say, i am a complete natural at this sweater knitting thing. I have like 1/16th completed! and i have only been working on it for a week. I want to be wearing it by Christmas!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sweater of Awesomeness!!!
So, how was everyone's weekend? Mine was good. Full of fun and happiness....mom helped me get started on the sweater i am knitting. It is looking awesome, although i have gotten to the hard part and i am not to sure how to do the colour changing mid-row so i have watched some you tube videos and have some general ideas about how to do it. But i am truthfully scared to try it and screw up my sweater. I want to make this sweater and have it turn out great. If it does, then i can make others sweaters....granted that statement really depends on how hard it is to actually make a sweater. Then only the most important will get sweaters.
I think the most exciting thing of all. My crafty senses are returning. I have a bunch of clothes i was going to get rid of and all the sudden i am having ideas on how to alter them to make them more awesome. I feel like my creativity block has been unblocked.
Maybe i can get over my guy obsession....work crush it seems may be dating someone. Although i am still of the firm belief that he may be secretly digging me. either that or he is just really friendly and i am mis-reading the signs...which is completely possible. But whatever it is...i am just putting it on the back burner and i am now going to focus on crafting. that and exercise. Time to get back into the shape. I have decided i want to lose at least 20 pounds.
So now, instead of blog posts constantly about boys...i am going to talk a lot about health and craft.
Step 1: Finish my sweater and replace the zipper in my dress
Step 2: Hardcore cleanse then exercise like crazy.
I think the most exciting thing of all. My crafty senses are returning. I have a bunch of clothes i was going to get rid of and all the sudden i am having ideas on how to alter them to make them more awesome. I feel like my creativity block has been unblocked.
Maybe i can get over my guy obsession....work crush it seems may be dating someone. Although i am still of the firm belief that he may be secretly digging me. either that or he is just really friendly and i am mis-reading the signs...which is completely possible. But whatever it is...i am just putting it on the back burner and i am now going to focus on crafting. that and exercise. Time to get back into the shape. I have decided i want to lose at least 20 pounds.
So now, instead of blog posts constantly about boys...i am going to talk a lot about health and craft.
Step 1: Finish my sweater and replace the zipper in my dress
Step 2: Hardcore cleanse then exercise like crazy.
Friday, November 4, 2011
When is enough enough?
So what is the moment that you decide enough is enough? Do you let things slide when he tries to defend your ex to you when he is suppose to be your best friend and this ex treated you like dirt? Do you let things slide when he doesn't talk to you for months? Do you let things slide when your cat dies and you don't hear a single word from him? Do you let things slide when he has a birthday party, doesn't invite you but invites that ex that treated you like dirt?
I let a lot slide and i always forgave, i was always understanding. But I am done. I am sure i had some blame in the relationship fail because a friendship doesn't just fall apart without both parties giving up.
My moment...the moment i gave up, when i forgave him for being absent after Logan....i pretended that i believed that he sent me text messages with his condolences. But i didn't believe him because i knew he didn't send them...i knew that he had no idea what to say and felt too awkward about the whole thing so he ignored it until he was confronted by it. I forgave him and i moved on but it wasn't the same.
Now to find out that him and my stupid ex still hang out....this is the guy that made me cry in public...on the subway. That is unforgivable. I make it a goal of mine to not cry in public and to not be the weird person on the ttc. This is the guy that dumped me by just not talking to me any more....like i just ceased to exist. he didn't tell me he didn't want to see me anymore he just stopped returning my texts. Then when i see him 3 months later, he treats me like a great friend and there was nothing wrong between us at all. Those are the actions of a self absorbed asshole and those are the actions of not a nice person.
But of course my friend defends him to me, he's a nice guy, you just don't understand his baggage. He may have baggage, we all have baggage but that doesn't give him the right to treat other people like crap. That doesn't excuse him.
Me and my friend have had this issue since me and the jackass separated. I am not telling him he can't be friends with jackass but i don't understand it at all...and since i though i meant more to him i sort of expected that i came before jackass in the hierarchy of friends.
Okay where was i going with this before my giant rant. For jackass to be there for his birthday drinks and for me to not even get an invite, it infuriates me. I forgave a lot of things and this may not even be a big deal to most people...There could be a lot of easy things to explain it away, they could of ended up at the same bar, it could have been completely unplanned but here's the thing - i don't care. I am hurt and it is the straw that broke the friendship. I am tired of excuses and lame explanations that i forgive half heartily. I am tired of it all.
And this may be mean and bitchy and overly dramatic but I accept that. When this first issue came up he told me i could never tell him who he can or can't be friends with and i will never tell him that, i believe in free will and the right to choose for yourself.
So friend - I will never tell you that you can't be friends with this guy and i will never try to control you but i will never understand your choice to remain friends with him and i will never understand or not be hurt at the fact that he was a your birthday thing and i wasn't (even if it was an unplanned thing, i do own a phone, you do have the number).
It will take a miracle to repair the damage to our friendship and i am completely out of hope.
I let a lot slide and i always forgave, i was always understanding. But I am done. I am sure i had some blame in the relationship fail because a friendship doesn't just fall apart without both parties giving up.
My moment...the moment i gave up, when i forgave him for being absent after Logan....i pretended that i believed that he sent me text messages with his condolences. But i didn't believe him because i knew he didn't send them...i knew that he had no idea what to say and felt too awkward about the whole thing so he ignored it until he was confronted by it. I forgave him and i moved on but it wasn't the same.
Now to find out that him and my stupid ex still hang out....this is the guy that made me cry in public...on the subway. That is unforgivable. I make it a goal of mine to not cry in public and to not be the weird person on the ttc. This is the guy that dumped me by just not talking to me any more....like i just ceased to exist. he didn't tell me he didn't want to see me anymore he just stopped returning my texts. Then when i see him 3 months later, he treats me like a great friend and there was nothing wrong between us at all. Those are the actions of a self absorbed asshole and those are the actions of not a nice person.
But of course my friend defends him to me, he's a nice guy, you just don't understand his baggage. He may have baggage, we all have baggage but that doesn't give him the right to treat other people like crap. That doesn't excuse him.
Me and my friend have had this issue since me and the jackass separated. I am not telling him he can't be friends with jackass but i don't understand it at all...and since i though i meant more to him i sort of expected that i came before jackass in the hierarchy of friends.
Okay where was i going with this before my giant rant. For jackass to be there for his birthday drinks and for me to not even get an invite, it infuriates me. I forgave a lot of things and this may not even be a big deal to most people...There could be a lot of easy things to explain it away, they could of ended up at the same bar, it could have been completely unplanned but here's the thing - i don't care. I am hurt and it is the straw that broke the friendship. I am tired of excuses and lame explanations that i forgive half heartily. I am tired of it all.
And this may be mean and bitchy and overly dramatic but I accept that. When this first issue came up he told me i could never tell him who he can or can't be friends with and i will never tell him that, i believe in free will and the right to choose for yourself.
So friend - I will never tell you that you can't be friends with this guy and i will never try to control you but i will never understand your choice to remain friends with him and i will never understand or not be hurt at the fact that he was a your birthday thing and i wasn't (even if it was an unplanned thing, i do own a phone, you do have the number).
It will take a miracle to repair the damage to our friendship and i am completely out of hope.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Why?
When i want something....i usually go for it, both guns blazing. but then again...most things i want are clothing and fashion related.
So now, why can't I as Alex says 'nut up'? Why am i so terrified to approach another person and ask them to share a drink with me?
Okay....i am giving myself a deadline to be all flirty and cute with him and maybe actually ask him out. God...who really knows.
He is probably not even interested and i kind of feel like i should give up. but that is my negativity talking and i have lots of negativity.
Are you ready to yell at me......okay here is what i am thinking...why would he even be interested in me..there are like a million hotter girls than me in this office...and he has his choice of girls...he is a hot commodity.
Okay...negativity said out loud. I feel like i can conquer my negativity if i say it out loud. once it is said out loud, it has less power over me. Although....guys terrify me. they have way more power over me than they should. I do not exercise smart guy choices.
So now, why can't I as Alex says 'nut up'? Why am i so terrified to approach another person and ask them to share a drink with me?
Okay....i am giving myself a deadline to be all flirty and cute with him and maybe actually ask him out. God...who really knows.
He is probably not even interested and i kind of feel like i should give up. but that is my negativity talking and i have lots of negativity.
Are you ready to yell at me......okay here is what i am thinking...why would he even be interested in me..there are like a million hotter girls than me in this office...and he has his choice of girls...he is a hot commodity.
Okay...negativity said out loud. I feel like i can conquer my negativity if i say it out loud. once it is said out loud, it has less power over me. Although....guys terrify me. they have way more power over me than they should. I do not exercise smart guy choices.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Wake Up
I have been having trouble waking up in the morning. And not the regular, i hate getting up, snooze the alarm regular trouble. It is more like i didn't sleep at all, i am so exhausted i struggle to keep my eyes open trouble. Which seems strange to me. I guess i am getting low on my B12 again. Although to be completely honest, i keep forgetting to take my pill so i am not surprised that i am exhausted again. I am also starting to get back into a routine. My goal is to wear that black dress i wore to Alex's wedding and look super awesome. There is a united way end of campaign event in January plus i am sure there will be Christmas parties i will need to dress up for and right now i put on all my dresses and look so fat. I hate how fat i look in them. And i am sure i don't actually look fat but in my head I look fat.
My friend sent me a book that apparently encourages instead of a diet that you fast at least once a week. So every week you don't eat for 24 hours. She says it is a great way to stay on track diet wise. I personally want to try a cleanse again but as you know i normally fail after like a day. So that is not the best plan.
I really just need to get my eating under control....i still make it to the gym frequently but not as much as i would like.
Also, i was re-acquainted with someone i knew when i was young and idealistic. She kept asking me about my crafts and if i still made things. I was embarrassed to say no. I hardly ever make my own clothes any more, i rarely finish a craft project, i don't make my own jewelry. Where did all my ambitions go to make and sell my stuff....where did my mayhem plan go?
I mean for once, i am finally happy at work but in my struggle to get financially stable as well as fulfilled in my work, i left behind my creativity.
Why?
It all comes down to that inferiority complex i have. Why would anyone buy something i make, i am not as creative as others, i am not as talented as others......Shut up stupid voice. How is it that i am so astute to all my crazy issues, i can identify them all but i never manage to change any of them. Or change comes very slowly. Why can i never take a giant leap of faith.
It's like boys....why can't i just walk up to the guy i am crushing on and be like dude i think you are cute, let's go out on a date. First of all....i probably shouldn't call him dude. don't think that works and then second of all maybe i should say i like you instead of you are cute. But i have some sort of weird girl notion of a guy should do the asking because....well....i am chicken and i am usually pretty stupid when it comes to guys and i miss all the signs....and why would he even like me anyways.
Dude, i really need to get over my insecurity. I also need to stop saying DUDE so much!
My friend sent me a book that apparently encourages instead of a diet that you fast at least once a week. So every week you don't eat for 24 hours. She says it is a great way to stay on track diet wise. I personally want to try a cleanse again but as you know i normally fail after like a day. So that is not the best plan.
I really just need to get my eating under control....i still make it to the gym frequently but not as much as i would like.
Also, i was re-acquainted with someone i knew when i was young and idealistic. She kept asking me about my crafts and if i still made things. I was embarrassed to say no. I hardly ever make my own clothes any more, i rarely finish a craft project, i don't make my own jewelry. Where did all my ambitions go to make and sell my stuff....where did my mayhem plan go?
I mean for once, i am finally happy at work but in my struggle to get financially stable as well as fulfilled in my work, i left behind my creativity.
Why?
It all comes down to that inferiority complex i have. Why would anyone buy something i make, i am not as creative as others, i am not as talented as others......Shut up stupid voice. How is it that i am so astute to all my crazy issues, i can identify them all but i never manage to change any of them. Or change comes very slowly. Why can i never take a giant leap of faith.
It's like boys....why can't i just walk up to the guy i am crushing on and be like dude i think you are cute, let's go out on a date. First of all....i probably shouldn't call him dude. don't think that works and then second of all maybe i should say i like you instead of you are cute. But i have some sort of weird girl notion of a guy should do the asking because....well....i am chicken and i am usually pretty stupid when it comes to guys and i miss all the signs....and why would he even like me anyways.
Dude, i really need to get over my insecurity. I also need to stop saying DUDE so much!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Polka Dot Tights and Boys
The polka-dot tights are from Joe - they have some great stuff right now, lots of basics and pieces that you can work with. They also have these sweater skirts that i am intrigued by. I am not sure how nice it will look with a sweater on the bum.
As for boys, i am completely bored with POF. And truth be told, it didn't work out at all like i expected. Maybe i expected miracles or maybe i didn't try hard enough. But there are two boys i like and both of them are awesome but i am just not sure if either of them are ideal. Work crush in particular is a very good fit for me....but in truth....i don't even have any idea if he has a girlfriend or not...and i am way to chicken to ask.
What is it with me and the unattainable guy. maybe i only ever like the guy that is unattainable because it will never happen...and that is safe to me. POF was suppose to break me out of my safe zone, but there were no guys that attracted me. Almost every single guy was all hey baby i like your curves. and all i could think was really dude...i have no desire to even talk to you if you can't talk to me about any but my boobs.
i would like someone to take me to a drive in movie and maybe make out with. I guess i am still waiting stupidly for someone to sweep me off my feet...yes that is right, i am full of unrealistic expectations.
As for boys, i am completely bored with POF. And truth be told, it didn't work out at all like i expected. Maybe i expected miracles or maybe i didn't try hard enough. But there are two boys i like and both of them are awesome but i am just not sure if either of them are ideal. Work crush in particular is a very good fit for me....but in truth....i don't even have any idea if he has a girlfriend or not...and i am way to chicken to ask.
What is it with me and the unattainable guy. maybe i only ever like the guy that is unattainable because it will never happen...and that is safe to me. POF was suppose to break me out of my safe zone, but there were no guys that attracted me. Almost every single guy was all hey baby i like your curves. and all i could think was really dude...i have no desire to even talk to you if you can't talk to me about any but my boobs.
i would like someone to take me to a drive in movie and maybe make out with. I guess i am still waiting stupidly for someone to sweep me off my feet...yes that is right, i am full of unrealistic expectations.
Business Erin is Back
I got this new green dress from Joe only $39, great deal! It is one of those tailored pencil dresses in forest green. You know how well i pull off bold colours. So i paired the dress with black polka-dot tights (black with white polka dots) my motorcycle boots and a big black belt.
Oh and i am wearing a pearl cluster necklace. I am all business Erin up top and regular Erin on the bottom!
In other news....work is busy, lots of stuff to do, the next few weeks are going to be crazy with the banks all launching their campaigns. No one is dressing up for Halloween which makes me sad but we have given our work team a new name.
Had more to say...but got to go, work calls. I will try to write more tonight. Topics to be addressed - what else boys.
Oh and i am wearing a pearl cluster necklace. I am all business Erin up top and regular Erin on the bottom!
In other news....work is busy, lots of stuff to do, the next few weeks are going to be crazy with the banks all launching their campaigns. No one is dressing up for Halloween which makes me sad but we have given our work team a new name.
Had more to say...but got to go, work calls. I will try to write more tonight. Topics to be addressed - what else boys.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
How to be yourself
Knit a sweater.
no really....do something that you have always wanted to do and never tried.
Okay...let's take like 18 steps back and i will explain myself. I am a horrible knitter, i am impatient and get frustrated easily. I know only the basics of knitting and always want to knit things that are way to complicated. Then when i don't know what i am doing and get stuck, i get frustrated and give up. Which is so stupid...I have to keep trying.
So i bought a sweater kit, and i am going to finish it. I am going to make it and it will be wonderful.
Although some (Stephanie) don't think it will be wearable, i am not giving up. It will be a sweater that will last forever. I am super excited!
So how was everyone's weekend? I had great fun....well except for the time that i spent standing around helping sweaty people by directing them to a water station. Oh and the getting up at like 4:45am. None of that was on the top of my list of awesome things to do this weekend. But seeing Cathie and Ryan and Amy and Justin was great. I love seeing them! There was a jacket that i really wanted....and i have been thinking about it ever since....but i have finally made a decision...i am too short for the jacket. It's not completely perfect.
Today, i have a fun family day, minus dad. But me Andrea steph....anie (i just found out that she really hates being called steph but i call her steph all the time....d'oh...i am sure she told me before and i just didn't believe her) and mom went to the creative festival. That's where i got my sweater kit as well as a rainbow scarf that kind of reminds me of a keyboard and i have decided it is the new keyboard tie but way cooler. Although i think in the right circumstance a keyboard tie could be very fashionable. Fashion challenge - someone needs to try to work the keyboard tie and not in that ironic hipster way.
Okay....where was i....oh yah the family day - after the fair we had a wonderful lunch at the Irish Embassy.
I also did my nails...Halloween inspired - green with barbed wire and they glow in the dark.
no really....do something that you have always wanted to do and never tried.
Okay...let's take like 18 steps back and i will explain myself. I am a horrible knitter, i am impatient and get frustrated easily. I know only the basics of knitting and always want to knit things that are way to complicated. Then when i don't know what i am doing and get stuck, i get frustrated and give up. Which is so stupid...I have to keep trying.
So i bought a sweater kit, and i am going to finish it. I am going to make it and it will be wonderful.
Although some (Stephanie) don't think it will be wearable, i am not giving up. It will be a sweater that will last forever. I am super excited!
So how was everyone's weekend? I had great fun....well except for the time that i spent standing around helping sweaty people by directing them to a water station. Oh and the getting up at like 4:45am. None of that was on the top of my list of awesome things to do this weekend. But seeing Cathie and Ryan and Amy and Justin was great. I love seeing them! There was a jacket that i really wanted....and i have been thinking about it ever since....but i have finally made a decision...i am too short for the jacket. It's not completely perfect.
Today, i have a fun family day, minus dad. But me Andrea steph....anie (i just found out that she really hates being called steph but i call her steph all the time....d'oh...i am sure she told me before and i just didn't believe her) and mom went to the creative festival. That's where i got my sweater kit as well as a rainbow scarf that kind of reminds me of a keyboard and i have decided it is the new keyboard tie but way cooler. Although i think in the right circumstance a keyboard tie could be very fashionable. Fashion challenge - someone needs to try to work the keyboard tie and not in that ironic hipster way.
Okay....where was i....oh yah the family day - after the fair we had a wonderful lunch at the Irish Embassy.
I also did my nails...Halloween inspired - green with barbed wire and they glow in the dark.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Dangerous
Yesterday, i was walking with a co-worker to the CN Tower climb and we saw a lady get hit by a car. She was jaywalking and not looking where she is going. Luckily the driver saw her and she only got hit by the mirror of the van and didn't seem to be too seriously injured. But here is the thing. When crossing the street, look both ways and don't rush. I know a lot of people in Toronto are running for their train but seriously between catching your train and dying...i think it is an easy choice...don't get dead!
In other news, i finished my first shift of volunteering at the CN Tower climb, i am not the deliverer of bad news but i do have a very unglamorous job...when the climber finally reaches the top, we stand outside the door they come through, we cheer for them and then cut off their bracelet (not the timing one) but the other one so they can trade it in for water. Everyone is very sweaty....it's kind of a real gross job. it is great cheering for people but everyone is so disoriented when they reach the top, they don't even notice we are cheering for them. Also we had crowd control issues. It was so crowded because everyone that climbs up stays to hang out but then there is no room for the people that are coming up. So at one point i couldn't even move...it was crazy. Then at the end people were crazy pissed about being stuck at the top in the elevator line for so long they wanted to climb back down which is not allowed because it's a fire hazard.
So a word of advice for climbers, if you want to hang out at the top until the climb is over, go up one level from the glass floor level. people get stuck in a line and there is nowhere to move.
In other news, i finished my first shift of volunteering at the CN Tower climb, i am not the deliverer of bad news but i do have a very unglamorous job...when the climber finally reaches the top, we stand outside the door they come through, we cheer for them and then cut off their bracelet (not the timing one) but the other one so they can trade it in for water. Everyone is very sweaty....it's kind of a real gross job. it is great cheering for people but everyone is so disoriented when they reach the top, they don't even notice we are cheering for them. Also we had crowd control issues. It was so crowded because everyone that climbs up stays to hang out but then there is no room for the people that are coming up. So at one point i couldn't even move...it was crazy. Then at the end people were crazy pissed about being stuck at the top in the elevator line for so long they wanted to climb back down which is not allowed because it's a fire hazard.
So a word of advice for climbers, if you want to hang out at the top until the climb is over, go up one level from the glass floor level. people get stuck in a line and there is nowhere to move.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wardrobe Malfunction
So i am wearing a wrap dress today, one i haven't worn in ages....and it is a really windy day. So i am wearing thick black tights and of course my motorcycle boots. So now i am feeling pretty cool because the wrap dress is silky and has this asian feel to it and then tragedy happened.
I get like 4 steps outside of my apartment building and the wind blows the from of my dress apart and bam...everyone can see my crotch...well luckily the tights i was wearing were thick.
Now i have been told the wind is really picking up....oh man...i have to walk around holding my dress down. I wonder if there is anywhere in the underground that sells safety pins and that way i can pin it together.
Also, i am volunteering this weekend at the CN Tower stair climb for united way. I picked the roll of cheerleader at the top of the tower...it seemed like a pretty good job for me, a free trip to the top and being perky for strangers.....okay now that i think about it more..it was the free trip to the top that did it for me. But now i am being told i have the job of cutting wrist bands off at the top of the climb and then giving them the bad news of 'you need to go up a few more flights of stairs to be at the glass floor level'. I have been informed that it is smelling, and gross, and not fun. But i am trying to be positive.
Also so very important people to me are coming into town to do the climb.....Ryan and Will. Yay! I am hoping that we will have some time to hang out plus a very yummy dinner and evening.
I get like 4 steps outside of my apartment building and the wind blows the from of my dress apart and bam...everyone can see my crotch...well luckily the tights i was wearing were thick.
Now i have been told the wind is really picking up....oh man...i have to walk around holding my dress down. I wonder if there is anywhere in the underground that sells safety pins and that way i can pin it together.
Also, i am volunteering this weekend at the CN Tower stair climb for united way. I picked the roll of cheerleader at the top of the tower...it seemed like a pretty good job for me, a free trip to the top and being perky for strangers.....okay now that i think about it more..it was the free trip to the top that did it for me. But now i am being told i have the job of cutting wrist bands off at the top of the climb and then giving them the bad news of 'you need to go up a few more flights of stairs to be at the glass floor level'. I have been informed that it is smelling, and gross, and not fun. But i am trying to be positive.
Also so very important people to me are coming into town to do the climb.....Ryan and Will. Yay! I am hoping that we will have some time to hang out plus a very yummy dinner and evening.
Monday, October 17, 2011
I have been thinking.....
You know how my brain is always like 20 steps ahead of where my actual life is.....well i have been working actively as you know to shut the brain down for a bit and just live in the moment and guess what. I noticed myself thinking and have been able to stop from over reacting about things.
For example, Friday night i went out with work people and work crush was in attendance. Now at the second place we went to, we were on these two couches facing each other. The one against the wall was under a very unstable looking speaker. WC was sitting under it....and he did this little switch-a-roo with the person sitting beside me and ended up sitting beside me where we talked pretty much to our own for like 30 minutes. Dude...you know how my date lacked the vibes...well they were all over the place on Friday...it was vibey like crazy. But old me would be all like 'oh my god we are meant to be, we soulmates' But new me is like 'just relax, be cool.....i don't know enough about him, don't get ahead of yourself'
Oh...and on Sunday, i went to the Waterfront marathon because a friend was running and we decided to go cheer for him. We were not great at the whole cheering thing...we almost missed him the first time and the second time, my friend ran out and hugged him. So we have decided to create a cheering brain trust...do some brainstorming for flashier ideas, and once the ideas have been voted on and approved we will do some dress rehearsals. It will go much smoother next time.
For example, Friday night i went out with work people and work crush was in attendance. Now at the second place we went to, we were on these two couches facing each other. The one against the wall was under a very unstable looking speaker. WC was sitting under it....and he did this little switch-a-roo with the person sitting beside me and ended up sitting beside me where we talked pretty much to our own for like 30 minutes. Dude...you know how my date lacked the vibes...well they were all over the place on Friday...it was vibey like crazy. But old me would be all like 'oh my god we are meant to be, we soulmates' But new me is like 'just relax, be cool.....i don't know enough about him, don't get ahead of yourself'
Oh...and on Sunday, i went to the Waterfront marathon because a friend was running and we decided to go cheer for him. We were not great at the whole cheering thing...we almost missed him the first time and the second time, my friend ran out and hugged him. So we have decided to create a cheering brain trust...do some brainstorming for flashier ideas, and once the ideas have been voted on and approved we will do some dress rehearsals. It will go much smoother next time.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Date
So....today at lunch i met up with my first POF boy. It was a good lunch, no awkward silences, conversation went well. We seemed to get along very well. But it was too short of a time to know if we are going to have any romantic chemistry.
I need more practice on this whole dating thing. Sometimes i wish i could just snap my fingers and bam perfect boy for me. I mean, i don't want to break down the whole date, we met, ate lunch, talked and then hugged and said we will talk soon. No firm plans made. Now here is where i lack the boy knowledge. What does that actually mean.
Here are the things i know about me - 1. i don't play games and 2. i am completely oblivious to the normal dating signals....like i never know if a guy is interested in me.
Also, i pulled out classic Erin on the weekend and sang and danced while in the shower. Man i love having my ipod speakers in the bathroom. I do this regularly but i realized mid shampoo while singing along to The Dog Days are Over (glee version) that i never blog about my dancing parties anymore. Rest assured that this weekend was dance party!
I need more practice on this whole dating thing. Sometimes i wish i could just snap my fingers and bam perfect boy for me. I mean, i don't want to break down the whole date, we met, ate lunch, talked and then hugged and said we will talk soon. No firm plans made. Now here is where i lack the boy knowledge. What does that actually mean.
Here are the things i know about me - 1. i don't play games and 2. i am completely oblivious to the normal dating signals....like i never know if a guy is interested in me.
Also, i pulled out classic Erin on the weekend and sang and danced while in the shower. Man i love having my ipod speakers in the bathroom. I do this regularly but i realized mid shampoo while singing along to The Dog Days are Over (glee version) that i never blog about my dancing parties anymore. Rest assured that this weekend was dance party!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Mental Case
So, i am officially a mental case. Just though i would let you all know. I am having a small freak out. Okay, let's look at the issue. I have declared to all of you i am tired of being single and i would like to find someone that fits with me....but at the same time, i am not going to settle for the first one just because he is the first that came along.
But here's the deal....i haven't even met this guy but he looks good on paper and the bbm'ing is going well. and now we are moving on to a lunch date. But here's what is freaking me out...yes the actual date...but we already know that.
I am making plans in my head...when i don't have the right....and then i start thinking how much do i like about this guy is because he is the first one that has shown interest and how much is because he is very compatible with me? Then i start over analysing everything and then i start a mental spin out which shouldn't be happening.
Remember that whole live in the now and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and relax and be happy. Well my brain doesn't remember those decisions in stressful situations. Nope....it likes to add to the stress by freaking me out more with weird worries.
I just have to laugh at myself...after reading all this....i haven't even gone on my first date and i have already found a way to sabotage it. Really Erin...what is wrong with you. why can't you just relax and be confident and have faith that everything happens for a reason.
I mean i have already seen it....with work. I hated work and was horribly unhappy but i wouldn't be in the job i am today without my previous work. Everything is connected. I mean i have it tattooed to my arm, everything is connected, an ending is really just a new beginning. So why am i all of a sudden freaking out about boys and life and finding the perfect guy for me. Because i am scared. It always comes back to fear. I know i say i have a lot of arch-nemisis' but in reality, i have 1 - fear. and it all comes down to i control it or it controls me.
But here's the deal....i haven't even met this guy but he looks good on paper and the bbm'ing is going well. and now we are moving on to a lunch date. But here's what is freaking me out...yes the actual date...but we already know that.
I am making plans in my head...when i don't have the right....and then i start thinking how much do i like about this guy is because he is the first one that has shown interest and how much is because he is very compatible with me? Then i start over analysing everything and then i start a mental spin out which shouldn't be happening.
Remember that whole live in the now and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and relax and be happy. Well my brain doesn't remember those decisions in stressful situations. Nope....it likes to add to the stress by freaking me out more with weird worries.
I just have to laugh at myself...after reading all this....i haven't even gone on my first date and i have already found a way to sabotage it. Really Erin...what is wrong with you. why can't you just relax and be confident and have faith that everything happens for a reason.
I mean i have already seen it....with work. I hated work and was horribly unhappy but i wouldn't be in the job i am today without my previous work. Everything is connected. I mean i have it tattooed to my arm, everything is connected, an ending is really just a new beginning. So why am i all of a sudden freaking out about boys and life and finding the perfect guy for me. Because i am scared. It always comes back to fear. I know i say i have a lot of arch-nemisis' but in reality, i have 1 - fear. and it all comes down to i control it or it controls me.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Life of a Superstar
So, not to be all baller but dude...i am so awesome. I got a shirt on Wednesday that is cheetah print....yes that is how fashion forward i am. I also cut my own bangs last night and i did it much quicker than i normally do and i am worried i cut it too short. But i will make it work.
Also, there was this person on POF he messaged me a few times but i wasn't very interested in him because his profile seemed very angry and bitter. But i though he may need a friend so i responded to his message...and all he wanted was my bbm and i was not about to give it to him because i don't even know him at all and he was like...so what are you actually looking for and all i am going to get is one email a day? and he seemed quite confrontational and unhappy about that. So long story short...i am not messaging him anymore and i failed in my attempt to make him less angry and bitter. Lesson learned....be more selective with online people.
So this week is thanksgiving and do you know what i would love.....a family visit. So i will be planning to go down to Kingston soon for an Alex weekend. Also me and Amy want to plan a Christmas party...or while i am calling it "A party to launch the Christmas season" So i need to know what weekend the family is coming up, mike's play weekend or the race weekend or whatever...so me and Amy can plan appropriately. Also Amy wants to make it fancy dress! Super excited!
And finally....guess who has a new bbm friend that shares the same name as me and is a potential new boy in my life!!!
Also, there was this person on POF he messaged me a few times but i wasn't very interested in him because his profile seemed very angry and bitter. But i though he may need a friend so i responded to his message...and all he wanted was my bbm and i was not about to give it to him because i don't even know him at all and he was like...so what are you actually looking for and all i am going to get is one email a day? and he seemed quite confrontational and unhappy about that. So long story short...i am not messaging him anymore and i failed in my attempt to make him less angry and bitter. Lesson learned....be more selective with online people.
So this week is thanksgiving and do you know what i would love.....a family visit. So i will be planning to go down to Kingston soon for an Alex weekend. Also me and Amy want to plan a Christmas party...or while i am calling it "A party to launch the Christmas season" So i need to know what weekend the family is coming up, mike's play weekend or the race weekend or whatever...so me and Amy can plan appropriately. Also Amy wants to make it fancy dress! Super excited!
And finally....guess who has a new bbm friend that shares the same name as me and is a potential new boy in my life!!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Call me Crazy
Hey, so remember when i was all, I am going to keep things chill and not obsess about anything. Well FAIL...i am obsessing about everything. My work crush is still crushy and although i try not to, i analyse everything we say to each other....that may seem like a lot of thinking but it is now just second nature. I sometimes don't even realize i am doing it.
Then there is same name POF, he seems cool....and here's the but.....i haven't even met him, only talked to him for the last week and i am already over thinking it. What if he is talking to someone cooler than me. What if....what if....what if. Shut up stupid voice!
I need to re-establish my casual coolness. because i have lost it some where in my over analysing.
In other news....i am going to attempt to get back to my love of making things. I have got my exercise back under control...soon with the help of some organization and will power, i will have my eating habits good. Now all that is left is to get back to craft town....i am going to start with crocheting myself a pair of slippers.
Then there is same name POF, he seems cool....and here's the but.....i haven't even met him, only talked to him for the last week and i am already over thinking it. What if he is talking to someone cooler than me. What if....what if....what if. Shut up stupid voice!
I need to re-establish my casual coolness. because i have lost it some where in my over analysing.
In other news....i am going to attempt to get back to my love of making things. I have got my exercise back under control...soon with the help of some organization and will power, i will have my eating habits good. Now all that is left is to get back to craft town....i am going to start with crocheting myself a pair of slippers.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My Life
Okay people....my life is getting exciting. Or sort of exciting in the fact that i am getting lots of messages from people on pof but it seems like none of these messages are going anywhere. The one i like, i have been talking to for just over a week....and dude we seem to be meshing well via email messages but i am waiting for him to suggest meeting up. But i don't know how soon does meeting up happen? I am unaware of the rules or timelines.
Oh also...another excitingly awkward story of me, the guy i accidentally sent away from my desk on Friday...i tried to make amends on Monday and he stopped by my desk and we were chatting and he attempted to make a joke which went right over my head....then he said that he was being 'facisious' which dude...i don't even know how to spell let alone understand. So i have decided he isn't for me. I mean go a head an use that word or whatever...i am cool with that but the one two punch of a joke i didn't understand with a kind of snotty use of the word facisious.....it was too much.
Oh also...another excitingly awkward story of me, the guy i accidentally sent away from my desk on Friday...i tried to make amends on Monday and he stopped by my desk and we were chatting and he attempted to make a joke which went right over my head....then he said that he was being 'facisious' which dude...i don't even know how to spell let alone understand. So i have decided he isn't for me. I mean go a head an use that word or whatever...i am cool with that but the one two punch of a joke i didn't understand with a kind of snotty use of the word facisious.....it was too much.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Finally
I finally got propositioned on POF! yay me.
What else is new....it was a good weekend. Me and Amy had the best girls night Friday night. I got one of those peel off face masks and Amy got a mud mask. we looked quite funny. It was a night i needed more than i realized. it was a rough week but when i look at it from another perspective....it was a good week. Sure i got called for jury duty and it's true i was having some frustrations at work but besides that...i got free concert tickets, found someone i enjoy talking to on POF, and a bit of confidence.
Also....there is this guy at work, not work crush but a different guy, i don't really know him at all but he walks past my desk all the time and i say hi to him....and on Friday he stopped to talk but i was all distracted and in the middle of like 4 things and he seemed more twitchy and nervous than normal. I think he may have been trying to ask me out if i hadn't scared him off. Now i am feeling horrible at scaring him off. I plan to make amends this week.
What else is new on the guy front....well because this is how my life always works out...the guy i am starting to enjoy on POF...while he has the same name as me. Of course fate is mocking me. But at the rate guys are falling into my lap...i am defiantly going to have someone to kiss on new years....even it if is only temporary.
What else is new....it was a good weekend. Me and Amy had the best girls night Friday night. I got one of those peel off face masks and Amy got a mud mask. we looked quite funny. It was a night i needed more than i realized. it was a rough week but when i look at it from another perspective....it was a good week. Sure i got called for jury duty and it's true i was having some frustrations at work but besides that...i got free concert tickets, found someone i enjoy talking to on POF, and a bit of confidence.
Also....there is this guy at work, not work crush but a different guy, i don't really know him at all but he walks past my desk all the time and i say hi to him....and on Friday he stopped to talk but i was all distracted and in the middle of like 4 things and he seemed more twitchy and nervous than normal. I think he may have been trying to ask me out if i hadn't scared him off. Now i am feeling horrible at scaring him off. I plan to make amends this week.
What else is new on the guy front....well because this is how my life always works out...the guy i am starting to enjoy on POF...while he has the same name as me. Of course fate is mocking me. But at the rate guys are falling into my lap...i am defiantly going to have someone to kiss on new years....even it if is only temporary.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
No Way
I opened my mail yesterday, quite excited that i got a lot of mail, and then it all turned horrible. I got called for jury duty. I am not even kidding. Stupid jury duty. In the middle of the campaign! When time is crazy busy.
I mean it might be nice to have a break from work and be able to sit around and read all day but i will get so behind at work and i don't want to be part of the justice system...i don't pay enough attention to things which means i will of course be a perfect juror because i don't follow the news and i will be relatively unbiased. Plus i don't know if i will be paid by work because i am on contract. and i don't get any time off unless it is unpaid.
I mean it might be nice to have a break from work and be able to sit around and read all day but i will get so behind at work and i don't want to be part of the justice system...i don't pay enough attention to things which means i will of course be a perfect juror because i don't follow the news and i will be relatively unbiased. Plus i don't know if i will be paid by work because i am on contract. and i don't get any time off unless it is unpaid.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
New Sheets!
Ya! i tripped to the bay today and bought myself new sheets and a new duvet cover. I am so excited to go to sleep tonight...i mean it is going to be out of control awesome. Alex has requested a picture and i will post one soon.
What else is new in my world....well i am actually talking to someone from plenty of fish....i had a longer discussion with my work crush....and i am feeling more positive about things.
The other thing i am feeling better about.....how do i explain...okay here is the thing about me and guys, i always set my sights on a guy and create completely unreachable expectations. I jump right into imagining things are going to work out a certain way. Lately, i have been not lowering my expectations but not creating unreachable expectations. I am just playing it casual and know that no matter what, something will work out. There is a guy out there for me.
What else is new in my world....well i am actually talking to someone from plenty of fish....i had a longer discussion with my work crush....and i am feeling more positive about things.
The other thing i am feeling better about.....how do i explain...okay here is the thing about me and guys, i always set my sights on a guy and create completely unreachable expectations. I jump right into imagining things are going to work out a certain way. Lately, i have been not lowering my expectations but not creating unreachable expectations. I am just playing it casual and know that no matter what, something will work out. There is a guy out there for me.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Head to Explode
So....i have the biggest head ache right now. I have a mountain of work to do and a meeting coming up in about 2 minutes.
This means....I have to suck it up and focus and get through the day. I can do it.
I am hosting glee night tomorrow night as well, my first one of the season. I will be cleaning my apartment tonight. I have been meaning to do it for about a week but now i have an excuse.
Also, looking around at it and i feel like i could do so much more to make myself more organized. Organizing my life has never been my strong suit but i feel like it is time to start living more like a grown up. i also really want to treat myself to a new duvet cover and some new sheets. Sleeping is one of my favourite things and i buy new fancy sheets every once and awhile but i feel like i want to overhaul the bed stuff! A treat for myself. and it can get expensive, i know....but my last set of bed stuff is from ikea. I feel like maybe i deserve a really nice one...i am going to check out the bay! If you have any suggestions, let me know.
This means....I have to suck it up and focus and get through the day. I can do it.
I am hosting glee night tomorrow night as well, my first one of the season. I will be cleaning my apartment tonight. I have been meaning to do it for about a week but now i have an excuse.
Also, looking around at it and i feel like i could do so much more to make myself more organized. Organizing my life has never been my strong suit but i feel like it is time to start living more like a grown up. i also really want to treat myself to a new duvet cover and some new sheets. Sleeping is one of my favourite things and i buy new fancy sheets every once and awhile but i feel like i want to overhaul the bed stuff! A treat for myself. and it can get expensive, i know....but my last set of bed stuff is from ikea. I feel like maybe i deserve a really nice one...i am going to check out the bay! If you have any suggestions, let me know.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Little Miss Sassy Pants
Okay...it has been a crazy busy week. Lots to do and i worked late every night except for last night because i had boot camp to get to. Although the good thing of getting back into a work routine and being really busy, my day just speeds by. I think i may have actually found a job i am happy at. A job that challenges me and keeps me busy and makes me feel like i am helping to make a difference. I didn't think i would ever find it. That weirds me out so much.
On another note, plenty of fish was not impressing me at all but then i got two messages that don't seem so bad. I mean it is not like the guys have rocked my world with meaningful messages but they seem nice enough that i messaged one of them back and will be messaging the second back shortly. Which if you guys know me...which i think most of you do...is a big thing.
I seem to have become obsessed or very focused on boys and relationships. I guess i am finally tired of being alone. Everyone around me has paired off and that never bothered me but i am starting to feel like i want to share myself, have someone to tell about my day and snuggle with at night.
I still think about my original crush from this year....i think i will always have feelings for him, it is who he is, kind, generous, and so comfortable with who he is...of course it helps that i find him gorgeous. But it will never work so i let go of that crush....then i meet this guy at work....and new crush on him....well i think he is super attractive but i don't know him well enough to really have a crush on him...but i am investigating him more. And now i have actually accepted this whole plenty of fish thing.
I just don't want to be alone anymore. An example....and i don't want you guys to feel sorry for me but i am alone for thanksgiving this year...which isn't really a big deal because i have been alone for a few years now...and i would just trip down to Kingston but i can't because i have to cat sit mom and dad's cats while they enjoy a much deserved vacation. And i am not bitter about being alone....i am just kind of lonely.
PS...i am watching Get Over It....remember that movie with kirsten dunst and ben foster. Love that movie...that's where i got the title for this blog.
On another note, plenty of fish was not impressing me at all but then i got two messages that don't seem so bad. I mean it is not like the guys have rocked my world with meaningful messages but they seem nice enough that i messaged one of them back and will be messaging the second back shortly. Which if you guys know me...which i think most of you do...is a big thing.
I seem to have become obsessed or very focused on boys and relationships. I guess i am finally tired of being alone. Everyone around me has paired off and that never bothered me but i am starting to feel like i want to share myself, have someone to tell about my day and snuggle with at night.
I still think about my original crush from this year....i think i will always have feelings for him, it is who he is, kind, generous, and so comfortable with who he is...of course it helps that i find him gorgeous. But it will never work so i let go of that crush....then i meet this guy at work....and new crush on him....well i think he is super attractive but i don't know him well enough to really have a crush on him...but i am investigating him more. And now i have actually accepted this whole plenty of fish thing.
I just don't want to be alone anymore. An example....and i don't want you guys to feel sorry for me but i am alone for thanksgiving this year...which isn't really a big deal because i have been alone for a few years now...and i would just trip down to Kingston but i can't because i have to cat sit mom and dad's cats while they enjoy a much deserved vacation. And i am not bitter about being alone....i am just kind of lonely.
PS...i am watching Get Over It....remember that movie with kirsten dunst and ben foster. Love that movie...that's where i got the title for this blog.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Did you just write yourself a Theme song?
Okay....quote from the preview for that new show New Girl. I am really excited for this new show because A) i enjoy zooey deschanel...and B) that one line makes me laugh so hard...because she did write herself a theme song and as you know i think we should all live in a musical and we should all have theme songs.
So i am watching it right now and its making me laugh. The only thing that makes me sad is that i am watching the pilot and the character name coach and i know he isn't going to be in the show because he is in happy endings. But i am enjoying the show even though it is pretty lame.
What else is new...i bought an old stand mixer from a second hand store for $20 so i baked cookies last night, and it is good but there are a few flaws to this hand mixer....on the beaters are stationary and all the batter gets pushed to the outer area of the bowl and the beaters can't reach so i have to keep shoving the batter back towards the beaters with a spatula. But other than that it is awesome. Oh and the cookies i made, they were crispy on the bottom and gooey on top. Oh and i had major trouble getting off the baking sheet even after i sprayed the sheet with that non-stick spray. But i took them to work today and everyone was very happy for me.
So i am watching it right now and its making me laugh. The only thing that makes me sad is that i am watching the pilot and the character name coach and i know he isn't going to be in the show because he is in happy endings. But i am enjoying the show even though it is pretty lame.
What else is new...i bought an old stand mixer from a second hand store for $20 so i baked cookies last night, and it is good but there are a few flaws to this hand mixer....on the beaters are stationary and all the batter gets pushed to the outer area of the bowl and the beaters can't reach so i have to keep shoving the batter back towards the beaters with a spatula. But other than that it is awesome. Oh and the cookies i made, they were crispy on the bottom and gooey on top. Oh and i had major trouble getting off the baking sheet even after i sprayed the sheet with that non-stick spray. But i took them to work today and everyone was very happy for me.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Mexican Sweatpant night and Insights revealed
This weekend was crazy, work is crazy, life can become quite overwhelming especially during TIFF. So me and Amy decided to have a Mexican sweatpants night. Don't know what that is....well it is a night were you hang out wearing your most comfy pants (aka sweatpants from roots) and eat Mexican.
It was a great night, steph came out although did not participate in the sweatpants aspect of the evening...but it was fun to have her attend the first of many food and sweatpants nights. We made red wine chocolate cake and chicken tacos. Mmmmm...everything was delicious.
I also had a work party to attend and this lead me to some great insights about me.
What do i always talk about, me and relationships and love and confidence and all sorts of oversharing items....so here is my new overshare, which i emailed to Alex on Saturday.
I have never been able to act like myself around guys that i have been attracted to....i have always gotten really nervous and quiet and awkward. When in reality, i am a loud awkward crazy person. the only thing that remains the same is my awkwardness. Where am i going with all this? Why do all my relationships fail? Well, i start off without being myself...why because i really want this guy to like me, and i have all this confidence about who i am but i still have trouble believing that someone would love me in a romantic sense. Most guys that i have dated haven't added to that confidence...but just re-enforced my screwed up belief that guys don't love or are attracted to me.
Now before all you guys start yelling at me about being crazy...here's where my oversharing is going. Why did my previous relationships fail before they even started....well if i am so busy trying to be something i believe they will like and not who i am...how is the relationship ever going to work.
Same with this whole plenty of fish thing....i didn't even write my own profile...no wonder i am not getting anyone that i am interested.
So i am testing this new theory of trying to always be myself....i am testing it on my work crush. I am going to try to talk to him and interact with him without being my awkward i like and attracted to you self.
I am always attracted to people comfortable in their own skin, i am not talking about super confident people...i am talking about people who know who they are and embrace it. Maybe it is time for me to embrace who i am and believe there is someone out there that loves me for exactly who i am.
Wish me luck!
It was a great night, steph came out although did not participate in the sweatpants aspect of the evening...but it was fun to have her attend the first of many food and sweatpants nights. We made red wine chocolate cake and chicken tacos. Mmmmm...everything was delicious.
I also had a work party to attend and this lead me to some great insights about me.
What do i always talk about, me and relationships and love and confidence and all sorts of oversharing items....so here is my new overshare, which i emailed to Alex on Saturday.
I have never been able to act like myself around guys that i have been attracted to....i have always gotten really nervous and quiet and awkward. When in reality, i am a loud awkward crazy person. the only thing that remains the same is my awkwardness. Where am i going with all this? Why do all my relationships fail? Well, i start off without being myself...why because i really want this guy to like me, and i have all this confidence about who i am but i still have trouble believing that someone would love me in a romantic sense. Most guys that i have dated haven't added to that confidence...but just re-enforced my screwed up belief that guys don't love or are attracted to me.
Now before all you guys start yelling at me about being crazy...here's where my oversharing is going. Why did my previous relationships fail before they even started....well if i am so busy trying to be something i believe they will like and not who i am...how is the relationship ever going to work.
Same with this whole plenty of fish thing....i didn't even write my own profile...no wonder i am not getting anyone that i am interested.
So i am testing this new theory of trying to always be myself....i am testing it on my work crush. I am going to try to talk to him and interact with him without being my awkward i like and attracted to you self.
I am always attracted to people comfortable in their own skin, i am not talking about super confident people...i am talking about people who know who they are and embrace it. Maybe it is time for me to embrace who i am and believe there is someone out there that loves me for exactly who i am.
Wish me luck!
Friday, September 16, 2011
First work gathering
So tonight, is my first social work gathering. This may be my first opportunity to socialize with gingery work crush. I of course had nothing appropriate to wear that was worky enough to be flattering and casual enough to fit in on jean day Friday. We all dress down on Fridays and it is a very fine line of dressing too fancy and not fancy enough.
Anyways...i am feeling weirdly cheerful today which makes me wonder if something wonderful is going to happen today. But i am going to try to keep my head down and just work my way through the day....lots of stuff to do!
I have a tiff movie tonight, Violet and Daisy. Rory from gilmore girls is in it and i am excited about that. She flew into town yesterday.....so there is a very high chance she will be at my movie!
Anyways...i am feeling weirdly cheerful today which makes me wonder if something wonderful is going to happen today. But i am going to try to keep my head down and just work my way through the day....lots of stuff to do!
I have a tiff movie tonight, Violet and Daisy. Rory from gilmore girls is in it and i am excited about that. She flew into town yesterday.....so there is a very high chance she will be at my movie!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Advice and Zombies
Alex gave me the best news today. It makes so much sense, it has been a very long time since i have worked with such tight deadlines, and i am finding it overwhelms me sometimes. Like there is just so much to do and i am going to lose my mind. Well Alex, since you read this and i might not have time to email you until a bit later. Thanks, i am defiantly going to work on the one touch things first. You rock
In other news. I am really making a difference in my nephew's life. He told his mom yesterday that i was a great Teller. And the reason i am a great teller - Direct quote 'Erin taught me about zombies, that means she is a really great teller'. Best moment of my life!
In other news. I am really making a difference in my nephew's life. He told his mom yesterday that i was a great Teller. And the reason i am a great teller - Direct quote 'Erin taught me about zombies, that means she is a really great teller'. Best moment of my life!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Rules of Line ups
So, i traded in my tiff voucher yesterday and because it was a tiff event....i waited in line for 2 hours. While in this line, I thought about the rules when standing in a line. First things first....space. I like my personal space, and if there isn't much...it brings me to my second rule, please be considerate of the others around you.
I had back packs in front of me, and they did not care if they swung them into me...also they were teenagers all gossipy gossipy. Then behind me was a girl talking on the phone all loud and stuff.
Anyways...this isn't my best post but i was crazy busy at work today and now i am super tired. So i will do better tomorrow.
I had back packs in front of me, and they did not care if they swung them into me...also they were teenagers all gossipy gossipy. Then behind me was a girl talking on the phone all loud and stuff.
Anyways...this isn't my best post but i was crazy busy at work today and now i am super tired. So i will do better tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
hipster?
When visiting with Leah on Saturday, i mentioned my new love of Girl Talk and she said that was very hipster of me. But it was very unhipster of me to actually admit it.
Of course this made me think, do i have hipster tendencies?
So i am going to keep this post short today. If at any time any of you see me turning into a hipster, you tell me. I ain't no Hipster. NO WAY.
Of course this made me think, do i have hipster tendencies?
So i am going to keep this post short today. If at any time any of you see me turning into a hipster, you tell me. I ain't no Hipster. NO WAY.
Monday, September 12, 2011
TIFF
I saw 3 movies this weekend and a Leah. I would say that means it was a good weekend. Oh also, me and Amy had an Erin and Amy night where we did some shopping (i got a thrift store stand mixer for $20...so excited to start baking again!!! now i can make more bread). Then off to the Local for some food, ciders and a little bit of a buzz. For some reason the ciders went straight to our heads and we decided we would like to live in a place called KingTonOwa because it is a mash up of Kingston, Toronto, & Ottawa, and that way we would be with our friends in the same city.
On Saturday, i had my first movie, Goon, it was a Canadian hockey movie about enforcers. It was hilarious, very violent, and I loved it. Co-written by Jay Baraschal and staring Sean William Scott. You will enjoy the movie, it offers no apologies for it's violence, and you will cheer on the main character Doug because he is just a big teddy bear that you want to hug.
Then a Leah visit happened which was wonderful, we grabbed dinner and ate very messy sandwiches and gossiped and caught up for a few hours before she had to head back home to Kingston. She managed to see a few tiff movies as well.
Sunday, i had two movies, The Descendants with George Clooney, don't get excited, although he is in town, he didn't come to our screening. I went with mom and dad and Andrea. It was a good time, Andrea knit while waiting in line, mom read while standing on one foot to activate her core, i let dad play angry birds on my ipod while i annoyed them all by talking. The movie itself was good, i enjoyed it but dad thought it moved too slow which i can see.
Me and Andrea did some shopping after our movie, then i grabbed a sub for dinner and met up with steph for our final movie of the day, Sarah Palin, You Betcha. It was an interesting movie. You got major insight into her craziness and where it came from. Why does it always come back to religion. I believe there are many people who can have faith and participate in an organized religion but the zealots, i don't understand. God from my knowledge is all about love but some people just twist that message and create enemies. That is what Sarah does, if you aren't with her you are against her and if you express any opinion differing from her or her believes, she will see you as evil and you will need to be destroyed. She doesn't just walk away from people she does everything in her power to destroy them. That just seems like such a negative way to live your life. Why waste all that energy on that hate.
Anyways...that was a major side note.
I have three more movies, one of which i haven't decided on.
I have been crazy busy at work today but i am finally feeling a little ahead of my deadlines. Sorry for the late post.
On Saturday, i had my first movie, Goon, it was a Canadian hockey movie about enforcers. It was hilarious, very violent, and I loved it. Co-written by Jay Baraschal and staring Sean William Scott. You will enjoy the movie, it offers no apologies for it's violence, and you will cheer on the main character Doug because he is just a big teddy bear that you want to hug.
Then a Leah visit happened which was wonderful, we grabbed dinner and ate very messy sandwiches and gossiped and caught up for a few hours before she had to head back home to Kingston. She managed to see a few tiff movies as well.
Sunday, i had two movies, The Descendants with George Clooney, don't get excited, although he is in town, he didn't come to our screening. I went with mom and dad and Andrea. It was a good time, Andrea knit while waiting in line, mom read while standing on one foot to activate her core, i let dad play angry birds on my ipod while i annoyed them all by talking. The movie itself was good, i enjoyed it but dad thought it moved too slow which i can see.
Me and Andrea did some shopping after our movie, then i grabbed a sub for dinner and met up with steph for our final movie of the day, Sarah Palin, You Betcha. It was an interesting movie. You got major insight into her craziness and where it came from. Why does it always come back to religion. I believe there are many people who can have faith and participate in an organized religion but the zealots, i don't understand. God from my knowledge is all about love but some people just twist that message and create enemies. That is what Sarah does, if you aren't with her you are against her and if you express any opinion differing from her or her believes, she will see you as evil and you will need to be destroyed. She doesn't just walk away from people she does everything in her power to destroy them. That just seems like such a negative way to live your life. Why waste all that energy on that hate.
Anyways...that was a major side note.
I have three more movies, one of which i haven't decided on.
I have been crazy busy at work today but i am finally feeling a little ahead of my deadlines. Sorry for the late post.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Finally Friday
OMG, Thank you world. I am glad it is Friday, because seriously work has been stressful this week, i feel like i am always one step behind where i should be and like 18 steps behind where i want to be. So i have 7 hours to get through today and then two blissful days of rest. Although, i am toying with the idea of logging in from home and doing some extra work this weekend....just to get it off my desk so i feel up to speed.
I also put make up on to feel pretty today...and maybe just a little so the cute guy at work i have a little crush on notices me a little more. I mean he knows who i am and i am sure he hasn't missed my boobs, because let's face it, who would miss them. but i am more than just boobs people...and a little bit of make up ups my confidence.
In other obsessive news, i cracked and logged on to plenty of fish last night and i only got one new message, I am giving it maybe a month and then deleting the account. Although, honest time, i haven't been seeking people out....just waiting for them to come to me. But i don't want to search them out...i want them to come to me because although i am all girl power and everything, i still believe that the guy should make the first move. Old fashioned i know, and i have made all the moves in the past but really...they have been HORRIBLY unsuccessful so i want to try something new and unusual where i am pursued instead of doing all the work.
I keep asking myself the same questions....Am i not desirable? Am i unattractive? Am i unapproachable? Why can i be so certain and confidant about some things but turn into a 12 year old girl when it comes to guys. A lot of times...i know i put on a don't approach vibe but only because i am afraid that if i put on a come talk to me vibe, they won't actually come...and i can't handle rejection, it is crushing to my soul. Why do i care so much about finding a guy anyways...i have lived a successful life without one so far. I guess i just feel like some thing's missing. I have a lot of love and i am finally ready to share it. Now it is just a matter of finding someone worthy and not settling for the first guy that shows interest.
I also put make up on to feel pretty today...and maybe just a little so the cute guy at work i have a little crush on notices me a little more. I mean he knows who i am and i am sure he hasn't missed my boobs, because let's face it, who would miss them. but i am more than just boobs people...and a little bit of make up ups my confidence.
In other obsessive news, i cracked and logged on to plenty of fish last night and i only got one new message, I am giving it maybe a month and then deleting the account. Although, honest time, i haven't been seeking people out....just waiting for them to come to me. But i don't want to search them out...i want them to come to me because although i am all girl power and everything, i still believe that the guy should make the first move. Old fashioned i know, and i have made all the moves in the past but really...they have been HORRIBLY unsuccessful so i want to try something new and unusual where i am pursued instead of doing all the work.
I keep asking myself the same questions....Am i not desirable? Am i unattractive? Am i unapproachable? Why can i be so certain and confidant about some things but turn into a 12 year old girl when it comes to guys. A lot of times...i know i put on a don't approach vibe but only because i am afraid that if i put on a come talk to me vibe, they won't actually come...and i can't handle rejection, it is crushing to my soul. Why do i care so much about finding a guy anyways...i have lived a successful life without one so far. I guess i just feel like some thing's missing. I have a lot of love and i am finally ready to share it. Now it is just a matter of finding someone worthy and not settling for the first guy that shows interest.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Crazy is back
Okay, I am insane. I think i am going to give myself a stress ulcer from work because i constantly pressure myself to be better. I am working really hard on toning down my expectations for myself but i am a big ball of crazy so it's going to take awhile. But i think it is a good start that i acknowledge that i have been doing a great job at work and i have been keeping up so far. I just need to find my rythem which always takes a couple months anyways....and this is only the start of my 3 month...so i haven't even made it to my propation period yet.
In other crazy news.....you know how i am big on instant results, so this online dating thing, my friend talked me into it and then builds it all up like, you are going to get a lot of creepy guys sending you pictures of your penis and so forth but you know it is a strange sort of confidence boost, because all these guys even though they are creeps are into you. So i am expecting this wave of creepy but flattering messages...and as of yesterday i only had 4 and they were more like hey what's up. It's not like i am saying i want penis pictures...but because i am crazy...i have now started thinking am i not attractive enough to send penis pictures to? Which is completely mental. I guess i was looking for a big confidence boost so i was expecting a big reaction and i am not getting the response i expected...so i am a little disappointed. Does that make sense?
In other crazy news.....you know how i am big on instant results, so this online dating thing, my friend talked me into it and then builds it all up like, you are going to get a lot of creepy guys sending you pictures of your penis and so forth but you know it is a strange sort of confidence boost, because all these guys even though they are creeps are into you. So i am expecting this wave of creepy but flattering messages...and as of yesterday i only had 4 and they were more like hey what's up. It's not like i am saying i want penis pictures...but because i am crazy...i have now started thinking am i not attractive enough to send penis pictures to? Which is completely mental. I guess i was looking for a big confidence boost so i was expecting a big reaction and i am not getting the response i expected...so i am a little disappointed. Does that make sense?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It's Official
I have entered the world of online dating....so far, not impressed....i know it's only been like 12 hours but i am not getting much interest except from 40 year olds. But, heather helped me set it up and took a few pictures.
I am also working very hard to accept my Zach Morris sized phone...it pisses me off all the time...did you know it is so stupidly big it doesn't fit in my jacket pocket...how am i suppose to maintain my super awesome cool image if i am carrying around this phone. But this is needed...i broke my phone twice in the last year...maybe the last six months. If i am going to be that much of a butterfingers...then i must suffer the punishment of the otter box. It will probably survive the nuclear apocalypse....even though there will be no service, i will still have a phone!
No onto a small rant. Okay people, here's the deal...i am usually great at reading people, i trust my instincts, most of the time, except when i am blinded by a super hot guy...but even then...if you are sending off strong douche signals...attraction dies. Where am i going with this you wonder.
Well, this plenty of fish thing got me thinking....what attracts me most to a guy. He is has to be funny, nice, generous, thoughtful, and understands the crazy that is Erin. I am sure i mentioned this before...but what i have failed to mention is what really attracts me, someone completely comfortable in their own skin. Whoever they are, whatever their interests...they are like dude - this is who i am, accept it or whatever..That really works for me. Do you think that will come across online? I am not sure...this is why i am still uncertain about online dating.
Too bad i am too chicken to walk up to my work crush (he's a ginger) and be like dude what's up. or How you doing. If only i had the confidence to pull that off...but i am too much of a dork and it would come off all dorky.
PS...i am like officially obsessed with this dude/band, Girl Talk, that guy that does all those mash-ups of songs. It is perfect, workout/dancing music.
I am also working very hard to accept my Zach Morris sized phone...it pisses me off all the time...did you know it is so stupidly big it doesn't fit in my jacket pocket...how am i suppose to maintain my super awesome cool image if i am carrying around this phone. But this is needed...i broke my phone twice in the last year...maybe the last six months. If i am going to be that much of a butterfingers...then i must suffer the punishment of the otter box. It will probably survive the nuclear apocalypse....even though there will be no service, i will still have a phone!
No onto a small rant. Okay people, here's the deal...i am usually great at reading people, i trust my instincts, most of the time, except when i am blinded by a super hot guy...but even then...if you are sending off strong douche signals...attraction dies. Where am i going with this you wonder.
Well, this plenty of fish thing got me thinking....what attracts me most to a guy. He is has to be funny, nice, generous, thoughtful, and understands the crazy that is Erin. I am sure i mentioned this before...but what i have failed to mention is what really attracts me, someone completely comfortable in their own skin. Whoever they are, whatever their interests...they are like dude - this is who i am, accept it or whatever..That really works for me. Do you think that will come across online? I am not sure...this is why i am still uncertain about online dating.
Too bad i am too chicken to walk up to my work crush (he's a ginger) and be like dude what's up. or How you doing. If only i had the confidence to pull that off...but i am too much of a dork and it would come off all dorky.
PS...i am like officially obsessed with this dude/band, Girl Talk, that guy that does all those mash-ups of songs. It is perfect, workout/dancing music.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Blargha!
Okay, so that is not a word but more an expression of my feelings. This weekend, it did not go at all like i planned. I was going to have a nice relaxing mini vacation but instead a few things ran off course. Thursday i got my hair done, and i loved it when she did it it was all glossy and shiny and smooth. I of course can't replicate it at all and now i am uncertain of my bang situation.
Then Friday....that actually was a good day, spent it with Andrea and the kids and enjoyed some shopping and quality time.
Saturday....let's just say, me and steph should not fundraise together....we weren't so good. and we were in the middle of nowhere which meant we didn't get a very high traffic volume. Then there was a little bit of a grumpy steph....but we started playing this new apple game - tiny tower. It is a very addictive game.
Sunday, I went shopping and hung out with mom and dad but then the worst thing happened. Taking the go train home and there was a police investigation at danforth go station. So the train wasn't running past Scarborough....so i have to get off, in the pouring rain with a bunch of suburban yahoos that are going out to the big city for the night. Can you picture me, annoyed and soaked crowded into a bus stop waiting for the 102 to warden station with a bunch of people who have no idea what they are doing. I love having my personal space, not so big on getting close with a bunch of strangers. So that had me grouchy...then it taking me twice as long to get home....and the final cherry.....i had to miss my friends gathering because i was so behind schedule, and i had such a stress headache.
Oh and then the final final annoyance, I was putting my phone on the counter and it slipped out of my hand as i was putting it down and it hit the counter then bounced and fell to the floor, smashing apart. I pick it up put the battery and cover back on it....and the screen is fucked. I can't read a thing. So you would think that my reaction would be a big grumpy freak out but nope....i was very calm over the whole thing which was strange.
So off i go to Rogers at the Eaton's Centre yesterday, the only place open on labour day that i can get to that has a rogers....i upgrade my phone which costs like a million dollars (there goes my tattoo fund) (extra sad face!!) Then spent another 50 on a case, something called the box which should provide protection...crazy protection. The only draw back from all this protection...the phone is now huge...like Zack Morris huge. I am not too happy about the size of the phone...and i am still annoyed about the money to appreciate the phone.
Anyways....successful purchases of the weekend before the phone.
1. Green cape jacket for fall. i love it it is quite unusual and very flattering
2. Two sweaters from walmart, a grey one with blue flowers for work and a grey and yellow striped one for causal
3. Boots....brown ankle boots that are adorable...i had a tough time deciding between black and brown but i already have numerous black books and no brown ankle boots so i think i made the right choice.
Then Friday....that actually was a good day, spent it with Andrea and the kids and enjoyed some shopping and quality time.
Saturday....let's just say, me and steph should not fundraise together....we weren't so good. and we were in the middle of nowhere which meant we didn't get a very high traffic volume. Then there was a little bit of a grumpy steph....but we started playing this new apple game - tiny tower. It is a very addictive game.
Sunday, I went shopping and hung out with mom and dad but then the worst thing happened. Taking the go train home and there was a police investigation at danforth go station. So the train wasn't running past Scarborough....so i have to get off, in the pouring rain with a bunch of suburban yahoos that are going out to the big city for the night. Can you picture me, annoyed and soaked crowded into a bus stop waiting for the 102 to warden station with a bunch of people who have no idea what they are doing. I love having my personal space, not so big on getting close with a bunch of strangers. So that had me grouchy...then it taking me twice as long to get home....and the final cherry.....i had to miss my friends gathering because i was so behind schedule, and i had such a stress headache.
Oh and then the final final annoyance, I was putting my phone on the counter and it slipped out of my hand as i was putting it down and it hit the counter then bounced and fell to the floor, smashing apart. I pick it up put the battery and cover back on it....and the screen is fucked. I can't read a thing. So you would think that my reaction would be a big grumpy freak out but nope....i was very calm over the whole thing which was strange.
So off i go to Rogers at the Eaton's Centre yesterday, the only place open on labour day that i can get to that has a rogers....i upgrade my phone which costs like a million dollars (there goes my tattoo fund) (extra sad face!!) Then spent another 50 on a case, something called the box which should provide protection...crazy protection. The only draw back from all this protection...the phone is now huge...like Zack Morris huge. I am not too happy about the size of the phone...and i am still annoyed about the money to appreciate the phone.
Anyways....successful purchases of the weekend before the phone.
1. Green cape jacket for fall. i love it it is quite unusual and very flattering
2. Two sweaters from walmart, a grey one with blue flowers for work and a grey and yellow striped one for causal
3. Boots....brown ankle boots that are adorable...i had a tough time deciding between black and brown but i already have numerous black books and no brown ankle boots so i think i made the right choice.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tiff 2011
So....i must admit something, i am not happy with tiff this year. And that makes me sad. So every year i buy a 10 pack of tickets that choose your movies in advance of the festival. Basically you pick first and second choices and your order is processed before individual tickets are available to purchase. So one of my favourite things is to see world premieres.....i love sitting in a theatre with a bunch of strangers and seeing the first official screening of a movie...it makes me feel like i am a part of the specialness of that movie. This year, the festival has made all big movies that stars are attending, premium movies, and not available to the advanced ticket people. Also they have changed the price of these movies from $20 to $40. I love seeing the stars and everything but that's not what they took away from me....the took away my chance to be a part of the specialness of a movie. I just feel so sad. I don't know if i am explaining this right or i am just complaining too much about it but it is one of my most favourite things to do....go to tiff. And now it feels more like an obligation then a fun exciting time.
The other thing that has me disappointed. I wanted to see one movie at the festival - Drive, and yes i know it is probably the most anticipated movie coming and it will be hard to get tickets. There were only 2 showings and the first showing is a premiere showing that i can't order tickets to with my advanced package. The second showing was 9:15am on Sunday morning. I voluntarily picked that movie. Second showings aren't as popular and neither are Sunday mornings. They process our advanced orders according to a random draw and we were the second box to be processed which is almost unheard of. That close to the front...amazingly lucky....all these add up to me definitely getting a ticket to Drive. But nope...i didn't. I am shocked and disappointed.
Anyways...that's what's new with me. I am feeling down because of tiff but i am hoping that once it actually starts i will feel more excited.
The other thing that has me disappointed. I wanted to see one movie at the festival - Drive, and yes i know it is probably the most anticipated movie coming and it will be hard to get tickets. There were only 2 showings and the first showing is a premiere showing that i can't order tickets to with my advanced package. The second showing was 9:15am on Sunday morning. I voluntarily picked that movie. Second showings aren't as popular and neither are Sunday mornings. They process our advanced orders according to a random draw and we were the second box to be processed which is almost unheard of. That close to the front...amazingly lucky....all these add up to me definitely getting a ticket to Drive. But nope...i didn't. I am shocked and disappointed.
Anyways...that's what's new with me. I am feeling down because of tiff but i am hoping that once it actually starts i will feel more excited.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I almost Died Yesterday
So i had to renew my library card yesterday. Did you know they expire every year....i didn't know that. So i went to the library yesterday to renew my card and walking back to my apartment, i stopped to get a green tea lemonade, from starbucks. It was pretty decent. Then crossing the street, i had right of way, many people were crossing and this car turns right, doesn't stop and almost runs me over in the middle of the street, i had to jump back to avoid him and he drove right through and didn't even slow down, then kept going. Not at all concerned that he almost ran over some people.
People are insane!
In other news, i have thought a lot about my 'love life'. Thought a lot...that is an understatement...maybe obsessed about it is more realistic. Anyways, i have made my decision, i am going to let go of my crush, he obviously thinks of me only in friendly terms, so why complicate things. Just accept that. Maybe i will avoid him for a little while just to help me get over the crush. Space will help.
Distraction will also help, I will be busy with tiff soon, then the campaign will be going on and i will be busy at work. And maybe i will plan a few weekend adventures, mom and andrea wanted to go to the states for shopping. And soon before you know it, it will be december and i will be busy with christmas stuff.
And i think i will plan a trip, maybe across canada. Or maybe some place warm...who knows...but i think a trip is just what i need. Some space from my life....from my brain which doesn't seem to want to stop thinking about things i shouldn't think about.
People are insane!
In other news, i have thought a lot about my 'love life'. Thought a lot...that is an understatement...maybe obsessed about it is more realistic. Anyways, i have made my decision, i am going to let go of my crush, he obviously thinks of me only in friendly terms, so why complicate things. Just accept that. Maybe i will avoid him for a little while just to help me get over the crush. Space will help.
Distraction will also help, I will be busy with tiff soon, then the campaign will be going on and i will be busy at work. And maybe i will plan a few weekend adventures, mom and andrea wanted to go to the states for shopping. And soon before you know it, it will be december and i will be busy with christmas stuff.
And i think i will plan a trip, maybe across canada. Or maybe some place warm...who knows...but i think a trip is just what i need. Some space from my life....from my brain which doesn't seem to want to stop thinking about things i shouldn't think about.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Adele
So, i watched some of the VMA's last night and i got to see Adele perform. It made me wish for something that i have never really wished for before....being able to express my feelings in such a beautiful way. Music is an amazing thing, it can evoke any emotion. and then add lyrics which if done right can touch you...make you feel like someone took what you were feeling and created a song.
I use this blog to express my feelings....i also tend to just blurt out my feelings whenever i am feeling them. I can be a crazy over emotional drama queen. And although i love writing out my feelings in a humorous and grammatically incorrect format like this...what i would love to be able to do is write songs that let the world know how i am feeling and....maybe it is easier to use an example...Adele, i want to be able to express my feelings like Adele and have the world understand.
I was listening to her album on the way to drop off my TIFF picks and there is this one song, He Won't Go. And there was this one part...and it made me think of my life.
"I can't do it on my own
if this ain't love, than what is it?
I'm willing to take the risk"
Am I willing to take the risk? I mean let's look at my past history of boys...i run away any time anything gets serious. But more and more people are encouraging me to set up an online dating profile and start meeting guys. They say I need to get out there more.
But what if....in my life right now, i see someone who doesn't see me. or at least not in the way i want him too see me. Do i take the risk and try to change his perception of me or do i accept it and move on and set up that online profile and start dating. Both options seem like a risk to me. What is the right risk for me to take. I feel like it is the right time for me and i am ready for the risk....so do i put myself on risky path A, or risky path B.
Time for you, my faithful blog readers, to help me decide the next big step in my life.
Also, all of you should download and listen to Adele! If you have ever tangled with love and relationships, she will speak to you!
I use this blog to express my feelings....i also tend to just blurt out my feelings whenever i am feeling them. I can be a crazy over emotional drama queen. And although i love writing out my feelings in a humorous and grammatically incorrect format like this...what i would love to be able to do is write songs that let the world know how i am feeling and....maybe it is easier to use an example...Adele, i want to be able to express my feelings like Adele and have the world understand.
I was listening to her album on the way to drop off my TIFF picks and there is this one song, He Won't Go. And there was this one part...and it made me think of my life.
"I can't do it on my own
if this ain't love, than what is it?
I'm willing to take the risk"
Am I willing to take the risk? I mean let's look at my past history of boys...i run away any time anything gets serious. But more and more people are encouraging me to set up an online dating profile and start meeting guys. They say I need to get out there more.
But what if....in my life right now, i see someone who doesn't see me. or at least not in the way i want him too see me. Do i take the risk and try to change his perception of me or do i accept it and move on and set up that online profile and start dating. Both options seem like a risk to me. What is the right risk for me to take. I feel like it is the right time for me and i am ready for the risk....so do i put myself on risky path A, or risky path B.
Time for you, my faithful blog readers, to help me decide the next big step in my life.
Also, all of you should download and listen to Adele! If you have ever tangled with love and relationships, she will speak to you!
Bow Ties, High Heels, and the Blues
My weekend was pretty good, even the rule filled stay at grandma's house. Saturday was Grandma's big 85th birthday and my two favourite kids were in fine form. I don't know if i have mentioned this before but Brady, he loves weddings. He thinks they are great fun, a big party where he gets to dance and he loves to dance. So earlier in the week, he demanded to wear his bow tie to the 'wedding' on Saturday. He totally won the best dressed of the event because of the bow tie....and him saying 'that's my bowtie' and being shocked and surprised later in the evening to find out it was a clip on.
I, of course (because i am a horrible person and she makes it so easy) picked an outfit that grandma would not like but couldn't disapprove of because it was within dress code requirements. I don't know why i do it...but she just makes it so easy...plus i am a very contrary person sometimes, a fault i know but it is one that i have accepted.
Anyways, where was I before I rambled off topic. Oh yah the K-Town. So party went good, bradyon was so on it was amazing. I loved watching him and ally run around but at the same time, they exhausted me. Andrea is amazing with them!
Onto the high heels....I of course chose to wear these amazing high heels that i love and are very fashionable but dude...wearing them all night and standing at the bluesfest in them...my feet are still sore. Damn my motto of fashion over function. But i survive.
Bluesfest was the final and maybe my favourite part of the weekend because i got to see two of my favourite people, Alex and Ryan. Alex got us in, it is great to know people who have power! Dad and Wylie got to see and hang out with Bob. I don't know much about Blues so i can't tell you if the music was great blues or not but it sounded good to me.
There was a moment that wasn't the funnest but I am just passing it off as drunkenness. So we were leaving our first bluesfest bar and i had lagged behind a bit and this guy grabbed my arm and said 'you need to be with me'. He was very drunk and it was pretty creepy but luckily one of his friends apologized and dragged him away. I probably should have re-thought the skirt..Andrea did say it made my bum look shapely....and that does attract attention. Anyways, i kept that moment to myself because i didn't want to bring down the party. And the moment passed too quickly to be important.
Oh....also on a side note, I told Alex that it was on my bucket list to go to a drive in because i have never been before and i feel that it is something i must do and can't really take myself since i don't have a car. And she said she would take me but not make out with me. Which is fine...although one day i will have to go to a drive in with a boy and make out like crazy because i feel that that is also an important right of passage.
I, of course (because i am a horrible person and she makes it so easy) picked an outfit that grandma would not like but couldn't disapprove of because it was within dress code requirements. I don't know why i do it...but she just makes it so easy...plus i am a very contrary person sometimes, a fault i know but it is one that i have accepted.
Anyways, where was I before I rambled off topic. Oh yah the K-Town. So party went good, bradyon was so on it was amazing. I loved watching him and ally run around but at the same time, they exhausted me. Andrea is amazing with them!
Onto the high heels....I of course chose to wear these amazing high heels that i love and are very fashionable but dude...wearing them all night and standing at the bluesfest in them...my feet are still sore. Damn my motto of fashion over function. But i survive.
Bluesfest was the final and maybe my favourite part of the weekend because i got to see two of my favourite people, Alex and Ryan. Alex got us in, it is great to know people who have power! Dad and Wylie got to see and hang out with Bob. I don't know much about Blues so i can't tell you if the music was great blues or not but it sounded good to me.
There was a moment that wasn't the funnest but I am just passing it off as drunkenness. So we were leaving our first bluesfest bar and i had lagged behind a bit and this guy grabbed my arm and said 'you need to be with me'. He was very drunk and it was pretty creepy but luckily one of his friends apologized and dragged him away. I probably should have re-thought the skirt..Andrea did say it made my bum look shapely....and that does attract attention. Anyways, i kept that moment to myself because i didn't want to bring down the party. And the moment passed too quickly to be important.
Oh....also on a side note, I told Alex that it was on my bucket list to go to a drive in because i have never been before and i feel that it is something i must do and can't really take myself since i don't have a car. And she said she would take me but not make out with me. Which is fine...although one day i will have to go to a drive in with a boy and make out like crazy because i feel that that is also an important right of passage.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Something is Off
So, you know how yesterday i was all...yay i am feeling positive about work....today i am not. This made me stop and think.....what's the deal. I should be excited, i am doing a job that i have wanted and worked towards for the past two years, i am getting paid very well, and i think i am doing a good job. But i keep having this positive/negative mood swing about my job. Then i start to worry i am not doing a good enough job. I really need to relax and trust myself.
A few months ago, i talked to a therapist about dealing with my grief about Logan, he told me that i was dealing with it in a very healthy positive way and he told me some lovely things about me. Things that other people have also told me. It makes me wonder....why do i not see those things when i look in the mirror...Every time i look in the mirror.
I use to get glimpses of that girl. That one that everyone sees and loves. Now i get days of that girl. Where i am confident and proud of who i am. But with all these mood swings about my work...it is affecting my view of myself. Why am i not excited to go to work every day? Why don't i love and believe in myself every single moment of every day?
It seems like it is the opposite now...i see that girl most of the time and only get a glimpse of the other one, the one who doesn't trust herself. Maybe it is all a mental thing.
Last night at boot camp, we had to do jump ups on this pretty high box....there was this really tall girl there who could do this jump up no problem...she was all legs it would have been so easy for her. But she couldn't do it, not even once because she psyched herself out. It was all mental.
Where am i going with this? That i am mental. Maybe. Possible.
Truth...I have worked very hard to see myself in a positive light. Years of struggle and doubt and worry have given way to more confidence, belief, and positivity. My dad says believe it and it will come true. It's that simple, we create our own reality.
I am working on my reality. As i have tell people when they ask me why i don't have a boyfriend or get married and settle down.....
A few months ago, i talked to a therapist about dealing with my grief about Logan, he told me that i was dealing with it in a very healthy positive way and he told me some lovely things about me. Things that other people have also told me. It makes me wonder....why do i not see those things when i look in the mirror...Every time i look in the mirror.
I use to get glimpses of that girl. That one that everyone sees and loves. Now i get days of that girl. Where i am confident and proud of who i am. But with all these mood swings about my work...it is affecting my view of myself. Why am i not excited to go to work every day? Why don't i love and believe in myself every single moment of every day?
It seems like it is the opposite now...i see that girl most of the time and only get a glimpse of the other one, the one who doesn't trust herself. Maybe it is all a mental thing.
Last night at boot camp, we had to do jump ups on this pretty high box....there was this really tall girl there who could do this jump up no problem...she was all legs it would have been so easy for her. But she couldn't do it, not even once because she psyched herself out. It was all mental.
Where am i going with this? That i am mental. Maybe. Possible.
Truth...I have worked very hard to see myself in a positive light. Years of struggle and doubt and worry have given way to more confidence, belief, and positivity. My dad says believe it and it will come true. It's that simple, we create our own reality.
I am working on my reality. As i have tell people when they ask me why i don't have a boyfriend or get married and settle down.....
I Am A Work In Progress!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Feeling Positive
So, I am starting to get deadlines at work. And am very crazy about deadlines, i will meet them. But here a lot of my work is dependant on other people completing their part. So i have a deadline which is tomorrow and i won't make it because i have to wait for these letters to get signed. and i must be honest that was stressing me out majorly. I may be a slacker in my regular life but work life...i like to be known as smart, dependable and a great worker. So not meeting a deadline is like sacrilege to me. But right now......i have evaluated what is required for the deadline and i will have everything ready except the signed letters...which is out of my control, and i have already informed everyone of the delay. I feel like i am still representing myself as a good worker.
Okay work rant out of the way. Now onto the news of the day.....i want to wear something fun and frivolous to grandma's birthday party. If i am going to be in Kingston and have to stay at grandma's i want to have fashion fun. So it is time to start brainstorming. Of course this means, i am not satisfied with any of my current clothes and must find a new outfit. I saw this dress thing at urban outfitters yesterday but it may be just a little to not me. It was like a strapless dress/romper. It was an off white top with a band of pink at the waist then bright coloured skort (yes skort...i can't even believe i liked it at all but there is something about it). It is also on sale but i decided not to buy it because it is a skort. Time to keep looking. I guess the first thing i need to do is decide the theme of my outfit before i buy something. I will keep thinking about it.
Okay work rant out of the way. Now onto the news of the day.....i want to wear something fun and frivolous to grandma's birthday party. If i am going to be in Kingston and have to stay at grandma's i want to have fashion fun. So it is time to start brainstorming. Of course this means, i am not satisfied with any of my current clothes and must find a new outfit. I saw this dress thing at urban outfitters yesterday but it may be just a little to not me. It was like a strapless dress/romper. It was an off white top with a band of pink at the waist then bright coloured skort (yes skort...i can't even believe i liked it at all but there is something about it). It is also on sale but i decided not to buy it because it is a skort. Time to keep looking. I guess the first thing i need to do is decide the theme of my outfit before i buy something. I will keep thinking about it.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
TIFF!
So I picked up my catalogue yesterday and started my movie picking for this years TIFF. I am excited. It seems like there is a lot of great movies. I haven't got them narrowed down yet, that is what i am working on today and tomorrow.
In other news....I had this forbidding feeling today, like a pit in my stomach warning me that today wasn't going to be a great day. I wanted to change my outfit because i wasn't too happy with it but i stuck to my rules and stayed with the outfit i picked out last night. I guess i was being superstitious because i worried that if i changed my outfit on top of the already bad feeling...i would increase the bad luck. I know...i am certifiable. So I am now focusing on being positive. It is going to be a good day. It doesn't matter that the subway was all screwed up today and i was almost an hour late. Keep thinking positively.
I am going to get through my work and meet the deadline as best as i can. I am starting to worry about myself a little bit. I really need to stop being so hard on myself...i need to do the best i can. Work hard and be proud of my accomplishments instead of expecting more.
In other news....I had this forbidding feeling today, like a pit in my stomach warning me that today wasn't going to be a great day. I wanted to change my outfit because i wasn't too happy with it but i stuck to my rules and stayed with the outfit i picked out last night. I guess i was being superstitious because i worried that if i changed my outfit on top of the already bad feeling...i would increase the bad luck. I know...i am certifiable. So I am now focusing on being positive. It is going to be a good day. It doesn't matter that the subway was all screwed up today and i was almost an hour late. Keep thinking positively.
I am going to get through my work and meet the deadline as best as i can. I am starting to worry about myself a little bit. I really need to stop being so hard on myself...i need to do the best i can. Work hard and be proud of my accomplishments instead of expecting more.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Bike Ride
So me and Amy went for a bike ride last night, my first real bike ride since i was a kid. I approached it like i approach everything....outfit first. So i have a cruiser bike and i wanted an outfit that was casual and cute and perfect for a cruiser bike. I work my loose and flowy tuxedo shirt i just bought at the gap, a black cardigan, my skinny grey jeans that everyone loves and a pair of black flats. Outfit check....now hair. Here's the problem, helmets are not adorable and it takes away from the look i am going for....so i decided to do two low pigtails....that way the hair is not all over the place and stylish enough to go with the outfit. With the outfit working...off i go for my ride with Amy.
First impression.....dude it is a lot harder than i remember and expected. I was planning a fun simple ride and because my area is quite hilly there was a lot of work then a lot of gliding.
But of course my night would not be complete without.....a visit from a crazy person. So we are riding past the park and this guy said (and FYI i am NOT making this up) 'i am trying to let one rip' and in response because what do you say to that i said 'okay' and then as i was riding away he said 'i was trying to fart and just couldn't get one out at the right time' I kid you not...there was no way i could have mis-heard them.
Then later when we were finishing our circuit....he was there again and we drove past him and he made a shooting noise and said 'got you'.
So thanks to the random fart dude...you added Toronto flare to my first bike ride.
And as Amy put it best 'you sure do have crazy-dar' and it is true...i end up in more than my fair share of crazy talk. But that does give me lots of stories to write about for my blog. So there is that.
First impression.....dude it is a lot harder than i remember and expected. I was planning a fun simple ride and because my area is quite hilly there was a lot of work then a lot of gliding.
But of course my night would not be complete without.....a visit from a crazy person. So we are riding past the park and this guy said (and FYI i am NOT making this up) 'i am trying to let one rip' and in response because what do you say to that i said 'okay' and then as i was riding away he said 'i was trying to fart and just couldn't get one out at the right time' I kid you not...there was no way i could have mis-heard them.
Then later when we were finishing our circuit....he was there again and we drove past him and he made a shooting noise and said 'got you'.
So thanks to the random fart dude...you added Toronto flare to my first bike ride.
And as Amy put it best 'you sure do have crazy-dar' and it is true...i end up in more than my fair share of crazy talk. But that does give me lots of stories to write about for my blog. So there is that.
Monday, August 22, 2011
New Week
So, this should be a week I am all excited and happy because TIFF stuff starts up this week. I need to pick up my festival package and start my movie picking. I also have quite a lot of things happening this week; a goal of 2 bike rides, visiting with Amy, will, and heather, as well as getting back to the gym all regular like and doing a run on Wednesday. Then to finish the week off, i have an eye appointment on Friday and go to the K-Town on Saturday for Grandma's birthday.
Now, this may sound crazy but i am actually feeling guilty and worried about leaving Remy alone for a night. I use to leave them alone for a night at the time when Logan was still alive but now that Remy is alone...i feel bad about leaving him.
I will work that all out.
As for the weekend that just happened.....i had the best time. It was fun and relaxing and even though my feet hurt from all the walking in fashionable but not functional sandals. Friday night we grabbed a dinner with mom dad and aunt Cathie...then i enjoyed Bring It On. Best movie from my youth!
Saturday, me and Ryan had a great day! We enjoyed brunch at The Harlem Underground, then walked to Sugar beach and then found the best play ground every. It was an urban playground at the lakeshore and sherbourne. There was this giant metal disk that you could spin and it would make you dizzy. I could have spun on that for hours.
We eventually headed off to the race, where we cheered the racers off, drank some beer while dad actually told us a bunch of stories. He was so talkative it was awesome! Then Steph and Cathie finished the race in 1 hour and 23 minutes....superstars both of them!!! and Cathie got us a bunch of waterbottles. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at the Mill Street Brewpub....and it was a day well spent!
Then Sunday, another awesome brunch with Ryan, Amy, & Justin. Then we wandered the distillery district, it was full of engagement photo sessions and seqway tours. It got me thinking....i am not much of a relationship person, although i have decided i would like to see what falling in love is like, if i ever did fall in love would i ever do engagement pictures. I don't think so....I have never been one to follow the crowd and i think most engagement pictures seem silly....i say most because there are a few out there (maybe related to me) that had great engagement pictures. Anyways....i am heading off on a tangent...be prepared.
Falling in love.....what is that about. I have never let anyone close enough for me to actually do it. I mean sure there have been a few guys but i have always had one foot out of the relationship even when the relationship was going good. I know i screw up most of my relationships with my lack of trust but i had always hoped that i would meet a guy that would want to fight for me. Love my crazy, and be willing to fight through my lack of trust and running away instincts. It is asking a lot.
People have been encouraging me to try online dating.....and i have thought about it but here's the issue...you get to that about you page and what you are looking for and i blank. I have no idea what to write!
I let myself develop crushes on people that it would never work out with because that is easier then actually risking myself. My current crush....he may be the nicest person i have ever met but it won't ever work out because the feelings aren't reciprocated....or well i am assuming because i have never broached the subject and never will because it would make things just too awkward. So i will keep my crush to myself and maybe try to psych myself up to trying online dating. I did promise myself that i would take a risk this year and attempt to find love.
Anyways...that was a major tangent but apparently my feelings have decided to take over my blog post today.
Hope you all had an amazing weekend!
Now, this may sound crazy but i am actually feeling guilty and worried about leaving Remy alone for a night. I use to leave them alone for a night at the time when Logan was still alive but now that Remy is alone...i feel bad about leaving him.
I will work that all out.
As for the weekend that just happened.....i had the best time. It was fun and relaxing and even though my feet hurt from all the walking in fashionable but not functional sandals. Friday night we grabbed a dinner with mom dad and aunt Cathie...then i enjoyed Bring It On. Best movie from my youth!
Saturday, me and Ryan had a great day! We enjoyed brunch at The Harlem Underground, then walked to Sugar beach and then found the best play ground every. It was an urban playground at the lakeshore and sherbourne. There was this giant metal disk that you could spin and it would make you dizzy. I could have spun on that for hours.
We eventually headed off to the race, where we cheered the racers off, drank some beer while dad actually told us a bunch of stories. He was so talkative it was awesome! Then Steph and Cathie finished the race in 1 hour and 23 minutes....superstars both of them!!! and Cathie got us a bunch of waterbottles. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at the Mill Street Brewpub....and it was a day well spent!
Then Sunday, another awesome brunch with Ryan, Amy, & Justin. Then we wandered the distillery district, it was full of engagement photo sessions and seqway tours. It got me thinking....i am not much of a relationship person, although i have decided i would like to see what falling in love is like, if i ever did fall in love would i ever do engagement pictures. I don't think so....I have never been one to follow the crowd and i think most engagement pictures seem silly....i say most because there are a few out there (maybe related to me) that had great engagement pictures. Anyways....i am heading off on a tangent...be prepared.
Falling in love.....what is that about. I have never let anyone close enough for me to actually do it. I mean sure there have been a few guys but i have always had one foot out of the relationship even when the relationship was going good. I know i screw up most of my relationships with my lack of trust but i had always hoped that i would meet a guy that would want to fight for me. Love my crazy, and be willing to fight through my lack of trust and running away instincts. It is asking a lot.
People have been encouraging me to try online dating.....and i have thought about it but here's the issue...you get to that about you page and what you are looking for and i blank. I have no idea what to write!
I let myself develop crushes on people that it would never work out with because that is easier then actually risking myself. My current crush....he may be the nicest person i have ever met but it won't ever work out because the feelings aren't reciprocated....or well i am assuming because i have never broached the subject and never will because it would make things just too awkward. So i will keep my crush to myself and maybe try to psych myself up to trying online dating. I did promise myself that i would take a risk this year and attempt to find love.
Anyways...that was a major tangent but apparently my feelings have decided to take over my blog post today.
Hope you all had an amazing weekend!
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