Skates, Sushi, and Swans

I got new skates!!! Thanks to my mom and dad found me a size 8 at Canadian Tire in Pickering.  But they are still slightly big which i find kind of crazy because that is a whole size smaller than i normally wear.  Maybe my feet are shrinking without my permission or knowledge.  My new mission, get actual skate guards...apparently the skates don't come with real skate guards and find some super thick socks to wear with the skates.  Then i will be ready to skate....which kind of worries me because i haven't skated in a very long time.  Maybe i will see if i can practice on Andrea's rink this weekend.  After all she has that kids stand to help Brady and Ally to learn how to skate. 

I also had some delicious sushi this weekend.  I am a big fan of veggie sushi.  I just can't say no to avocado and cucumber rolled in seaweed and rice......just so delicious.  But i also had vegetable tempura....it was so yummy.  I could eat like a million orders of veggie tempura...i don't think it is completely healthy but it has to have some sort of healthy aspect to it.  After all, it is vegetables.  I was craving fish and chips all last week, and now all i can think about is veggie tempura.  I am going to try to make it on my own.  That should be an adventure in cooking. 

So i saw black swan this weekend.  It was CRAZY.  I can't decide if i liked it.  Here's my problem...i have a very low cringe tolerance, especially when it comes to body stuff.  and there was a lot of hurried fingernail cutting and broken toe nails...which okay not something people would normally cringe at but it had me cringing because i know what that feels like and...yuck even now as i am thinking of the movie...i am turtling (which means i get my shoulders all up near my ears and my neck protected.) (ps...i just made that definition and word up).  But i want to see all the nominated movies just because.....i want to.  I am doing pretty good, next on my list is Winter's Bone and The Fighter.

Finally, i had one fricked up dream last night, i was living in this mansion which was a grocery store and then they told me i had to live and work in the basement and i didn't want to....it was too scary like something out of a horror movie and then it turned into just a house where this guy was trying to break in and i had to save all the kids....but half way through the house turned into a department store and then we all went shopping.  I did take some neocitron last night to help me sleep because of my throat infection...must of messed me up something crazy.

Viral Throat Infection

So I actually went to the doctor yesterday.....something i never do because i hate doctors....no offense to any doctors that are reading this.  But you just freak me out, it is my body and i don't want some doctor taking blood that i work so hard to produce. 
Anyway...that's just my crazy talking. 
But i went to a walk in...they swabbed me for strep throat...i failed the test, no strep.  But it is a serious viral infection that drugs won't really help....so they didn't offer me any.  BOOOO. 
So now all i want to do is curl up into a little ball and sleep for hours and hours and maybe days. But i have work to do today as well as an interview at 12:30.  So really....i am forcing myself to carry on. 
Although i get really surly when i am not feeling well so it is best that everyone keeps their distance.

Do you dream?

Do you ever wish for something more than anything else in the entire world?  I have been praying to get a break from work....i am feeling very burnt out and extremely tired.  You know when you just need a vacation to re-charge your batteries.  Well for me, i need the break but can't really take vacation due to extenuating circumstances.  I woke up yesterday not feeling 100% but still well enough to go to work and do all that worky stuff.  Today I woke up with a swollen throat and the inability to really talk. 
FYI - i don't really get colds but i do get a large amount of throat infections.  Steph accused me of getting sick all the time.  And i didn't believe her.  But as per her challenge, she told me to keep a record of all the times i have been sick.  Well i started in December....when i got sick and now, end of January and i have another throat infection.  Dude....that is way too close together.  It is not enough evidence to prove that i am always sick....but i do have to investigate this thing further.
But it got me thinking....i have been wishing for a break from work for so long that maybe i brought this infection on myself through the power of mental thought.

The thing i hate most about throat infections is that as soon as i get them....all i can think about is eating food....lots of food, solid food.  And i can't swallow...it is cruel and unusual punishment i create for myself.

Also, i have been trying to locate a pair of ice skates for myself....i haven't skated since the ice skate incident of my youth but i am ready to overcome.  But no skates....if you see any size 8 ladies skates...let me know where and how much.  I have tried 3 canadian tires and a walmart and no such luck

Excitment

Okay....so first things first.  Talking about shoppers....when i was in there buying my addictive mini ritz sandwiches....i ventured into the valentine isle.  And i have decided the perfect way for someone to express their love to me is to buy this giant heart shaped pillow....because nothing says love like a giant pillow.  Seriously...why is valentines day a holiday....i don't want to be one of those lame single girls that is all 'valentines day sucks' but here's my thoughts:  If you love someone, why do you need to declare it on valentines day.  It should be declared as often as possible....all the time!  I just feel like valentines day doesn't feel sincere to me.  Although speaking of presents....i do love the idea of getting a giant heart pillow.

In other news......I am going on a trip on family day weekend.  Me and Amy are going to venture to Kingston and then up to Ottawa for some skating and skiing maybe.  So Alex & Ryan....be prepared for an Amy/Erin adventure.  Also if anyone else is interested in coming with us...please txt me.  If you don't have my number...i am sorry you aren't invited.

Mini Ritz Sandwiches

Okay....seriously why do the kids get all the fun food.  Cheese strings, pop tarts, cheese shaped into animals.  Anyways...I am currently enjoying some mini ritz sandwiches...the ones with the 'real' cheese.  The peanut butter sandwiches are just as good.  On sale from shoppers and so delicious.  But i feel crazy eating them...they are the type of things that kids eat.  Well you know what....food in fun shapes...I like...so from now on, i am going to enjoy kid food.....next stop fun shaped chicken fingers and pancakes.

Perspective

So you know when you wait a really long time to do something and when you finally do it, it is not everything you imagined it to be.  I experienced that this weekend.  It has sort of changed my perspective.  I have always been low on confidence and high on insecurities.  But something strange has been happening since i have cut my hair.   It is like i suddenly feel more me and more comfortable in my own skin.  I went to a party Saturday night, a boot camp party, and in a room surrounded by pretty skinny girls dressed all fancy.....I didn't feel like I disappeared.  Yes I was still feeling insecure...it was a fat day for me and i bought this shirt at stitches for $10 and i must have weirdly stumpy arms because the sleeves are suppose to be three quarter length sleeves but they seem like flood sleeves on me.  But the point is...i actually felt like people could see me.
Anyways...back to point.  I have lost some of my fear this weekend.  I am less worried about things and more whatever about it. 

And i have thought more on the guy front....i am not going to think about dating or meeting the right guy.  I am finally getting my confidence together and i like who i am....why add the stress and complication of a guy to the mix.  Besides...i have more pressing things to worry about, like finding a job.

So how was everyone else's weekend?
My to do for the week is: Find ice skates, go on a few job interviews, do some homework for my course.  I would also like to sleep for a large amount of time.  I am exhausted.

So....i can't believe i forgot about this yesterday but i had the weirdest dream two nights ago.  I was at this shopping mall that was an outdoor mall but also a zoo.  I was enjoying a nice day of visiting animals and buying items.  When suddenly i was surrounded by these three prehistoric elephant things....what are they called.....with the tusks and the shagginess and the trunk....anyways i can't remember what they were called but my friend yelled out...'careful you don't want to anger the mutant....(you know what he knew what they were called in my dream)' And i was like...'duh doi....thanks for the help captain obvious'.  Then i woke up.

I wonder what that means.

In other news....I'm awesome. 

Also Alex.  I am in.  When do you want to hang out? i will come down on a Friday and we will have a great adventure....maybe even go dancing....and bake some bread....and some Nana time.  I love this idea!

Jump

So....i don't know what to talk about today.  I am going to give you the thoughts about my evening last night.

Last night, I went to the gym.  I hate how crowded it is right now...Then i met up with steph because she was going to lead me in a weight work out.  But truth be told...i hate weights so i complain a lot while doing the weights.  I can't help it....weights are just so annoying.  Then we did some machines....i find the weight machines overwhelming.  No idea why just do.  Although i really like this one machine that you use your legs to lift some weight up.  I don't know what it's called but i like to call it the standing slide machine.  In fact, i enjoy re-naming all the weight machines because that way they seem less intimidating.

After the gym we headed home...and i had some dinner, a salad with turkey....then i was sad because there wasn't a lot on tv.  So i called dad but he was distracted so i didn't talk to him much.....and then and then and then.....man i am even boring myself right now. 

It is just one of those days.  I have been stuffing bags for free give aways tomorrow at work.  So i haven't been at my desk much...but i did get to wear jeans today....YAY! And with all that hard work i am treating myself to an Arnold Palmer.

I think i am going to plan a get away soon...like a long weekend or something....maybe to the k-town.  Suggestions

Small World

So yesterday I went to this kind of meet and greet/open house/job interview.  It was a little overwhelming but i was very attracted to the company because they seemed fun and not so conventional....which let's face it, a perfect place for me.  And I am very glad I went.  It was something that is completely out of my element....a room full of strangers all competing for the same jobs.  But it was kismet.....the first employee i talked to was the manager of the job I was applying for...then when it came time for the 5 minute interview part of the evening, it is completely random who you get....but i got someone who works in the area i applied for.  Crazy right. 
Also, I meet a girl there that was also applying and she had just moved from Ottawa with her boyfriend.  Turns out she lives like 5 minutes from my house.....we totally bonded and exchanged email addresses.  So crazy.
Although i will admit, i am not completely sure this job is for me.  The company seems so eriny but after going there last night and seeing how they work....it is a very competitive work place, they rank everyone and everyone knows how well they are doing in comparison.....it is a great idea for some people but i am like the least competitive person in the whole world.  I want everyone to do good and i don't like the idea of ranking people because then the person on the bottom will feel bad.  It just seems like it could breed a very negative environment.  Although i could be completely wrong because it didn't feel that way.  But it made me doubt the possible job soul mate that i had found.

But seriously their website made me feel like we were meant to be together...they have a list on their website of reasons why you should work there and number 74 was 'we make up our own words'.   Enough Said!!

Try and try again

So my goal of being positive and not letting work get to me.  Not going so well.  I am sitting at my desk wishing myself elsewhere.  I just feel so beaten down.  I need to get out.  I don't know why i am so negative....it is a perfectly acceptable job, nice people, lots of work.....but it is like as soon as i step through the doors a weight presses down on my shoulders and by the end of the day I feel like I have been carrying a giant backpack of grump all day.  And it is my grump....my own self created grump.  I really need to work on that....let things go and be free.  Work doesn't define who I am!
That is my new mantra.....try and try again......this is not your life this is your place of employment.  you will find your bliss.  Man that is so cornball, someone shoot me please....really....i have become so not myself.

Okay It is time to stop rambling and just do it....just walk the talk.   Walk it and stop living and obsessing so much in my head. 

This is the start of the FREE ERIN from her own brain campaign!

Satisfaction

So, I have been trying to find things to cheer me up and help me release my stress.  While Friday night me and one of my very good friends Eb went to Red Lobster which is something we do regularly.  She is one of best people to talk to when i am need advice.  She has always been able to see to the heart of the issue and make everything so clear.  Plus we go to Red Lobster all the time, we have a regular server and they treat us so well.  The server sits down with us and visits.  It is a great time.  So Friday me, ebony, and Joe our waiter had the best conversations...just talking about life and being true to yourself and living your life.....not the life that you think you should live...but the life that you want to live. 
It helped me see a lot....i talk a lot of shit about being happy and finding happiness and living the life i want to live....but that's all i do...TALK.  It is time for action.  My life is not my job.....and i have to not let one negative aspect of my life colour my whole world.
Than Saturday....i got my hair done.....it is brown...i have never done brown before...it looks soft and natural....it is actually close to my natural colour but more red was added...plus a few blond highlights.  and i got some really nice blunt bangs.  And it has been two years since i have really had my hair professionally done....cut, died, styled...and it just makes me feel so great.  my hair makes me feel polished and put together.  I love it!
So that was my weekend.  And i am starting the week with a positive outlook.  Wish me look.  Hopefully i won't be all talk this week!

Accessories

So, I was talking with Andrea last night and telling her that scarfs were my second favourite accessory.  She told me that one day I should rank my accessories in order of favourite to least favourite.  And you know what....i love ranking things and making lists so i think i will make lists on Friday.
Today's list will be accessories:
1. Sunglasses - As you all know, I love sunglasses.  I am trying to figure out a better way to store them in my apartment...i have so many that my current storage (a string hung up across the wall that i hang my glasses on) has run out of space.  I would estimate I have 20 to 25 pairs of sunglasses. 
2. Scarfs - a new favourite of mine.  I have quite a few...because well i like having options when it comes to all accessories.  But i find that a scarf can add a great pop to a bland outfit.  Plus they keep you warm when outside!!! 
3. Necklaces - I have always enjoyed necklaces because they can be pretty or actually have special meaning.  Right now my favourite necklace is one my dad brought me back from the east coast that is a Celtic symbol that means strength and courage.  He got it for me to remind me to believe in myself always.  Isn't my daddy awesome!!!  I like that necklaces can be more than just accessories.  When i was younger, after my grandpa passed away, i took a spoon he gave me special (long story) and turned it into a necklace.  Necklaces will always have sentimental value to me.
4. Rings - Now rings use to be number two but ever since i started losing weight, all my rings don't fit anymore.  That frustrates me and makes me angry which is why they are so low.  Although i have an awesome two fingered lighting bolt ring and i really want a two fingered bow ring.  The two fingered rings could make me re-think their position.  Decision is still pending.
5. Earrings - I enjoy earrings but most of the earrings i really love are big earrings and you can't wear them for long periods of time without wanting to pull your ears off.  So although it is a good accessory to have and sometime it is necessary to bring an outfit together....they aren't my favourites
6. Bracelets - I have just never really been much of a bracelet person...i have a few bangles and other bracelets but they bother me when i wear them.
7. Belts - now i do enjoy belts and they can really save an outfit....but I like jewelry more

Okay so that is all of them.  I didn't include watches because i am really not a fan of watches....not for other people, they really suit some people...but they are just not for me.
Shoes i also let out because they should be a category on their own as well as bags.

In other news...i have to share the cutest funniest Ally story, I call Andrea every day and ally insists on talking to me on the phone.  Yesterday Andrea called me to tell me that she was making alien stuffed animals for the kids and ally named hers Erin.  Yes that is right.  I now have a namesake....it may be an alien but i think it is clear who is the kid's favourite.  I am the best aunt!

Lemon Blueberry Loaf

Last night, I had a great night of cooking and baking.  I made shrimp and scallop pasta with radish and yellow peppers in an olive oil and garlic sauces.  What makes me most proud is I made it without a recipe and I think it turned out pretty cool.  I am trying to cook more, it has never been my strong suit...i have always been a baker.

Last night i should have also done my laundry but baking was calling my name....it was like....you got a really nice loaf pan for Christmas....you haven't tried it out yet....you should make a lemon blueberry loaf.....make a lemon blueberry loaf......make it!!!!!  So i made it.  And you know what it is delicious....although i think it needs to be more lemony.  Although i am crazy for lemon and i don't think anything can be lemony enough. 

But eating a piece right now and i don't care that i am wearing my laundry day underwear.  The underwear that, although there is nothing wrong with it....you really don't like them.  the last resort underwear.  In the spirit of oversharing, I am wearing my pencil skirt today which is form fitting and these underwear are just not the right pair to wear under this skirt..they bunch and i get major underwear....but eating this lemon blueberry loaf makes me forget all about bunchy underwear.

Another Trip to DreamLand

So I have had some pretty weird dreams lately.  Last night I dreamed that i was going on an adventure at the museum....not sure what museum...but it was snowy out (inside the museum) and i had to get my group to a very important destination.....but i kept getting distracted.  I don't really remember most of this dream...but if i close my eyes i can still see it.  So weird....i can see it in my head but as soon as i decided to write it down and tell you about it....i don't know how.

The night before (Monday night) that dream was way better.  I was living in the jersey shore house but i wasn't one of the group and the house was actually a very large resort.  And everyone was fighting and we were in the buffet restaurant eating dinner...and i was so hungry, i just ignored the fighting and ate dinner but at the same time The Situation kept trying to 'comfort me' and i was just like no....go away....i am eating.  That dinner was so delicious.  I love that that is what i remember from my dream...how good my dream meal was. 

In other news....i am extended until the end of Feb so I have been given another month.  But it is a double edged sword because i am glad that i will have a steady pay cheque but i will spend another month stressed out and worried about the contract end date.  I think the thing that bothers me so much is the uncertainty.  I can't handle uncertainty.....it freaks me out.  I like to know things, i like to make plans.  I may not always follow the plans but at least i have them.  With uncontrollable factors, i can't make plans which makes me stress.  But I went to body flow class last night and took the relaxation part of the class to breath and centre myself...and i just kept telling myself, release the negative thinking and embrace the positive.  So that is my new mantra....let go of the negative and look for the positive.

Oh also....i made a hair appointment on Saturday at 10:30am.  I am thinking i am gonna get bangs and add in some layers around my face...and highlights.  I miss my fun and funky hair but i like my long hair so i am going to keep the length but try to bring some life back into it due to the blahness i feel about it right now.

When you know....

You know. 

So I have become slightly addicted to the show Keeping up with the Kardashians.  I know...waste of space on television but i can't help it.  I am always drawn to stories or shows about sisters.  because it is something i can relate too.  The show revolves around the three main sisters, Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim.  And when i watch it i see similarities between how they act with each other to how i act with my sisters.  Now we are very different...the kardashians and my family....but when the sisters fight....it feels the same as when i fight with my sisters. 
Khloe has always been the one i liked best because she is who she is and she doesn't apologize or change herself for anyone.  She is also fiercely independent and is very guarded when it comes to dating.  But last night there was a special...her and lamar getting married.  I know this is an old special but i just found it so hard to believe that she meet him and within a month they are married.  I have never been big on marriage and i have never really been hopeful about meeting the right guy. 
I have the best bad guy radar....if he's an ass, i like him.  My other guy problem is i like to develop crushes and feelings for people that are unavailable....not as in married or anything like that...they are unattainable or in my mind they are.  I am a whole ball of screwed up when it comes to guys and relationships and stuff like that but seeing Khloe a girl just as guarded as i am, meet a guy and marry him. 

It kind of makes me think that maybe there is a guy out there that would perfect for me.  He would understand how important my family is to me...even when we are fighting, and know how to deal with my crazy.  I have never held out much hope for the right guy....i guess because every guy i have given a chance to....plus some extras....have never really appreciated or understood me. 
But maybe it is time to start thinking about getting back into the dating world.  Maybe.  No promises....and i am not going to go out searching for the right guy but maybe if i open myself up to the possibility, i will meet the right guy this time...and not a bunch of wrong guys.

I am done kissing frogs.

New Week Same Resolution

So this week I am going to try very hard to not be negative.  I am going to think positively that everything will work out!  My job problems will be solved, I will stop feeling so burnt out, and i will take the time to do things that make me happy.  I will start being proud of my work again.  

So, I saw the King's Speech this weekend....I really really liked it.  Colin Firth was amazing and I took away an important part of that movie.  It sounds so cornball but i am going to say it anyways because i am an oversharer and that's what we do....over share things that probably should be kept to ourselves.

FEAR, everyone has it.  Everyone is affected by it.  Some more than others.  Here is a man that by birth that must overcome his fears for the good of a nation.  Dude that is some kind of pressure.  Here i am worried selfishly worried about myself and my career.   Puts things in perspective.  Stop worrying stressball.  That is what I say to myself.  Every ending is just a new beginning.  That message is so important for me to remember I got it tattooed to myself in the form of the Celtic Tree of Life.  A constant reminder that life doesn't end it keeps moving forward. 
I let fear control me a lot.  And i know i write all the time about overcoming it and moving past it and embracing it but DUDE....It's hard!  I give in all the time, I don't talk to the cute guy because what if he rejects me, I don't want to talk to my boss about the end of the contract because what if it is confirmed to be the end....i do these things and they become reality...and reality scares me more than anything else in the whole.  There is my truth...laid bare for the world to see.  I have over shared my deepest fear.  My fear that i will never measure up to the person i am in my head.....that my reality will never be able to match my expectations.  This is too heavy for a Monday morning....sorry guys......i have rambled off topic again but we have come to the one thing that seems to be on my mind always.  Fear. 

I am coming up to a major cross roads in my life.  I need to embrace the fear and take this as an opportunity not as a negative.  I am not happy...and it is time to do something about it. 

Nerves

So....my tummy is full of butterflies and i wish i could fast forward the next few hours.  I hate being uncertain about things.  And let me tell you right now I am an huge bowl of uncertain. 
To distract myself and not bore you with the details of my crazy, i will tell you that i have a new favourite exercise from boot camp.  The one armed tug a war. 
It's just you and one other person, similar size and strength and a cord with handles.  You pull, they pull....one person has to win.  I must say....i think i am pretty good at it.  It is all about using your legs to help you hold and stay in place.

I have been grump about boot camp lately......i haven't been looking forward to it, in fact i have been dreading it.  But last night was the first time i didn't hate the class.  I actually enjoyed it and liked having the grump worked out of me.

Maybe i am turning a corner and letting go of my grump and negativity.

Oh and i have been told by steph that i will be running the sporting life 10km.  I told her that i didn't want to but apparently her and mom voted and didn't tell me.  I never win at these things.  the only thing i refuse to do now when it comes to running is LOVE IT and pay to run.  Both things are against my religion.

Don't funk with my heart.....

Canada Post!

So I am sure you know all about the Ipod touch I got for Christmas and how i feel like i am living in a Hannah Montana situation ie. best of both worlds.  I get the awesome phoneness of the black berry.  I love it so much, it is a great phone and BBM rocks.  But then i get all the music and entertainment from the apple world.  So all those people choosing one side or the other really needs to do what i did.  Forget about the Iphone, get the touch which is basically the phone without the phone aspects and then get a blackberry, the clearly superior phone!

Anyways...back to my story.  I have learned that the only way to charge my touch is by usb but that annoys me and i have to do it like all the freaking time.  I use to charge my old ipod in my speaker dock but now they aren't compatible so i bought a new speaker dock that will be compatible with my new ipod.  And Future shop had it delivered through canadapost on Monday.  But i was out and missed the call.  Which is no big deal, just leave the notice and off i go to the post office to pick it up.  BUT....no notice.  So i have been waiting two days for another delivery attempt or a notice card but nothing.  And after i tracked the package on the Canada post website it says it is available for pick up.  It is so close yet so far away!!!!

I had to email Canada post and ask them what's the dealio.  They better respond soon...i want to get my groove on again.

The other Erins

So when I am feeling blue, there are a number of things i do to cheer myself up, listen to music that makes me happy, talk to my sister and my niece and nephew, but when none of that works.....i turn to my dear friend google. 
Today, I googled myself and found that their is an Erin out there with almost my exact signature living in England with her own jewelry store where she designs and makes jewelry.   Now I have found her before but I like to check in on her every once and awhile to make sure she is still living my dream. 
There is also an Erin on my space that use to be an emo teen but now she has found cheerleading.  It is so interesting to see the lives of the other Erin's progressing quite nicely.

There are surprisingly quite a few Erin's out there on the web but those two are my favourites.  One because she is basically living my life and the other because she provides such great entertainment.  I read an article she posted with 10 reasons why you should date a cheerleader.  It was quite informative

BLARGH!!!!

So that expression of sound in the title of this post properly expresses how i feel right now.  Things didn't go as planned yesterday, it left me questioning things more and more.  I think i am experiencing buyers remorse for my life right now.  You know when things don't go as planned while that is sort of what is happening for me right now. 
I need some fun or something to cheer me up and distract me from my worry.  Because i spend a large amount of my time right now freaking out about my lack of job security or direction. 
Granted I am extra emotional right now....and i do worry quite easily....and I can be slightly crazy.

But right now i am worried and restless.  Those two things are never a good combination for me.  I may do something drastic that re-establishes some level of control for me.  When I am worried and restless about big things...i tend to focus on small things i can change.  For example, my hair - i may dye a drastic colour or chop it off (sorry people) or perm it (never a good idea).  Or maybe get another tattoo or laser eye surgery or plan a trip.  That might be best.  I feel like i really need to get away. 

But honestly....i am just worried.  Worried about how this next month will shake down.  It could end up with business as usual or it could end up amazingly different.  Dad says i just need to believe that everything will work out and it will. 

Really i just need to shake the negative!  Any suggestions?

My Plans for 2011

So, I have to register for school today, and I don't like the times of any of the classes I want to take, so that is filling me with frustration.  I really just need to make a decision and commit but if I have to do classroom courses, I may only take one this term.  I was so out of control busy last semester that I barely had time for myself. 
And because I am constantly trying to figure out my life plan, I believe that i will make my focus for the next little while finding job security.  Once i have the job security then i will have more time to figure out the school thing. 
Sometimes I worry that my life plan is too broad.  See my life plan for 2011 is 'find a life plan'.  I like plans, I like having an idea of where I will be or where I am heading.  I mean it is not necessary to stick to the plan, I rarely do, but I like having the plan in place so I can fall back on it when the chaos theory doesn't work. 

For as long as i can remember I have always been looking for something, some place that I belong, someone or something that I fit with.....that makes sense with my non sense.  And I don't know if I haven't found it because I am too afraid to try or if i am too impatient to give things a chance or if i just haven't looked hard enough.  That is the plan for 2011.  Overcome fear! 

I may not like celebrating new years but i do like making resolutions.  I try to make them every quarter because well, i use to make them and never follow through on anything but last year i started making the resolutions smaller more attainable and more focused.  That SMART thing actually works if you use it.  Last year's goal was get healthy and get in shape.  And i think i did pretty good. 
This is the year of the job - work/life balance thing.  I want to find a place that values me for who i am and what i can contribute to the team.  And i want a team environment.  I like working with people.  I may not like giant large groups of people but i hate working in total silence.  I need some chaos to achieve greatness.

You know who i really don't like....tweens, they are such little entitled snots.  Not all of them.  I just find when young'uns gather in larges quantities they make me cringe.   For example, yesterday me and my bff, Will has a WED (Will and Erin Day) and went to see true grit (jeff bridges is still my grumpy fat drunk boyfriend....no explanation for that crush but it is as strong as ever!).  The movie theatre was filled with all these little snots pushing and whining and acting like they deserved the world.  Well i am sorry kids but learn some respect and appreciation for the world and the people around you....don't act soo snotty.
Sorry....kid rants, can't control them.  They just pop up at random times. 

On a major side note/topic change.  I have decided that my hair needs to change or something.  It is getting so long that it just hangs there all the time.  I am gonna make a hair appointment.  Now before all of you freak out, i am not chopping it off.  I am gonna keep it long but maybe get some bangs or some layers or maybe even a perm or something.   I am just getting really frustrated with it and want to change it.