No Way

I opened my mail yesterday, quite excited that i got a lot of mail, and then it all turned horrible.  I got called for jury duty.  I am not even kidding.  Stupid jury duty.  In the middle of the campaign!  When time is crazy busy.
I mean it might be nice to have a break from work and be able to sit around and read all day but i will get so behind at work and i don't want to be part of the justice system...i don't pay enough attention to things which means i will of course be a perfect juror because i don't follow the news and i will be relatively unbiased.  Plus i don't know if i will be paid by work because i am on contract.  and i don't get any time off unless it is unpaid.

New Sheets!

Ya!  i tripped to the bay today and bought myself new sheets and a new duvet cover.  I am so excited to go to sleep tonight...i mean it is going to be out of control awesome.  Alex has requested a picture and i will post one soon. 

What else is new in my world....well i am actually talking to someone from plenty of fish....i had a longer discussion with my work crush....and i am feeling more positive about things.
The other thing i am feeling better about.....how do i explain...okay here is the thing about me and guys, i always set my sights on a guy and create completely unreachable expectations.  I jump right into imagining things are going to work out a certain way.  Lately, i have been not lowering my expectations but not creating unreachable expectations.  I am just playing it casual and know that no matter what, something will work out.  There is a guy out there for me. 

Head to Explode

So....i have the biggest head ache right now.  I have a mountain of work to do and a meeting coming up in about 2 minutes.

This means....I have to suck it up and focus and get through the day.  I can do it.

I am hosting glee night tomorrow night as well, my first one of the season.  I will be cleaning my apartment tonight.  I have been meaning to do it for about a week but now i have an excuse.

Also, looking around at it and i feel like i could do so much more to make myself more organized.  Organizing my life has never been my strong suit but i feel like it is time to start living more like a grown up.  i also really want to treat myself to a new duvet cover and some new sheets.  Sleeping is one of my favourite things and i buy new fancy sheets every once and awhile but i feel like i want to overhaul the bed stuff!  A treat for myself.  and it can get expensive, i know....but my last set of bed stuff is from ikea.  I feel like maybe i deserve a really nice one...i am going to check out the bay!  If you have any suggestions, let me know.

Little Miss Sassy Pants

Okay...it has been a crazy busy week.  Lots to do and i worked late every night except for last night because i had boot camp to get to.  Although the good thing of getting back into a work routine and being really busy, my day just speeds by.  I think i may have actually found a job i am happy at.  A job that challenges me and keeps me busy and makes me feel like i am helping to make a difference.  I didn't think i would ever find it.  That weirds me out so much.

On another note, plenty of fish was not impressing me at all but then i got two messages that don't seem so bad.  I mean it is not like the guys have rocked my world with meaningful messages but they seem nice enough that i messaged one of them back and will be messaging the second back shortly.  Which if you guys know me...which i think most of you do...is a big thing.
I seem to have become obsessed or very focused on boys and relationships.  I guess i am finally tired of being alone.  Everyone around me has paired off and that never bothered me but i am starting to feel like i want to share myself, have someone to tell about my day and snuggle with at night.
I still think about my original crush from this year....i think i will always have feelings for him, it is who he is, kind, generous, and so comfortable with who he is...of course it helps that i find him gorgeous.  But it will never work so i let go of that crush....then i meet this guy at work....and new crush on him....well i think he is super attractive but i don't know him well enough to really have a crush on him...but i am investigating him more.  And now i have actually accepted this whole plenty of fish thing. 

I just don't want to be alone anymore.  An example....and i don't want you guys to feel sorry for me but i am alone for thanksgiving this year...which isn't really a big deal because i have been alone for a few years now...and i would just trip down to Kingston but i can't because i have to cat sit mom and dad's cats while they enjoy a much deserved vacation.  And i am not bitter about being alone....i am just kind of lonely.

PS...i am watching Get Over It....remember that movie with kirsten dunst and ben foster.  Love that movie...that's where i got the title for this blog.

Did you just write yourself a Theme song?

Okay....quote from the preview for that new show New Girl.  I am really excited for this new show because A) i enjoy zooey deschanel...and B) that one line makes me laugh so hard...because she did write herself a theme song and as you know i think we should all live in a musical and we should all have theme songs. 

So i am watching it right now and its making me laugh.  The only thing that makes me sad is that i am watching the pilot and the character name coach and i know he isn't going to be in the show because he is in happy endings.  But i am enjoying the show even though it is pretty lame.

What else is new...i bought an old stand mixer from a second hand store for $20 so i baked cookies last night, and it is good but there are a few flaws to this hand mixer....on the beaters are stationary and all the batter gets pushed to the outer area of the bowl and the beaters can't reach so i have to keep shoving the batter back towards the beaters with a spatula.  But other than that it is awesome.  Oh and the cookies i made, they were crispy on the bottom and gooey on top.  Oh and i had major trouble getting off the baking sheet even after i sprayed the sheet with that non-stick spray.  But i took them to work today and everyone was very happy for me.

Mexican Sweatpant night and Insights revealed

This weekend was crazy, work is crazy, life can become quite overwhelming especially during TIFF.  So me and Amy decided to have a Mexican sweatpants night.  Don't know what that is....well it is a night were you hang out wearing your most comfy pants (aka sweatpants from roots) and eat Mexican. 
It was a great night, steph came out although did not participate in the sweatpants aspect of the evening...but it was fun to have her attend the first of many food and sweatpants nights.  We made red wine chocolate cake and chicken tacos.  Mmmmm...everything was delicious. 

I also had a work party to attend and this lead me to some great insights about me. 

What do i always talk about, me and relationships and love and confidence and all sorts of oversharing items....so here is my new overshare, which i emailed to Alex on Saturday.
I have never been able to act like myself around guys that i have been attracted to....i have always gotten really nervous and quiet and awkward.  When in reality, i am a loud awkward crazy person.  the only thing that remains the same is my awkwardness.  Where am i going with all this?  Why do all my relationships fail? Well, i start off without being myself...why because i really want this guy to like me, and i have all this confidence about who i am but i still have trouble believing that someone would love me in a romantic sense.  Most guys that i have dated haven't added to that confidence...but just re-enforced my screwed up belief that guys don't love or are attracted to me.
Now before all you guys start yelling at me about being crazy...here's where my oversharing is going.  Why did my previous relationships fail before they even started....well if i am so busy trying to be something i believe they will like and not who i am...how is the relationship ever going to work.
Same with this whole plenty of fish thing....i didn't even write my own profile...no wonder i am not getting anyone that i am interested.

So i am testing this new theory of trying to always be myself....i am testing it on my work crush.  I am going to try to talk to him and interact with him without being my awkward i like and attracted to you self. 

I am always attracted to people comfortable in their own skin, i am not talking about super confident people...i am talking about people who know who they are and embrace it.  Maybe it is time for me to embrace who i am and believe there is someone out there that loves me for exactly who i am.

Wish me luck!

First work gathering

So tonight, is my first social work gathering.  This may be my first opportunity to socialize with gingery work crush.  I of course had nothing appropriate to wear that was worky enough to be flattering and casual enough to fit in on jean day Friday.  We all dress down on Fridays and it is a very fine line of dressing too fancy and not fancy enough.
Anyways...i am feeling weirdly cheerful today which makes me wonder if something wonderful is going to happen today.  But i am going to try to keep my head down and just work my way through the day....lots of stuff to do!

I have a tiff movie tonight, Violet and Daisy.  Rory from gilmore girls is in it and i am excited about that.  She flew into town yesterday.....so there is a very high chance she will be at my movie!

Advice and Zombies

Alex gave me the best news today.  It makes so much sense, it has been a very long time since i have worked with such tight deadlines, and i am finding it overwhelms me sometimes.  Like there is just so much to do and i am going to lose my mind.  Well Alex, since you read this and i might not have time to email you until a bit later.  Thanks, i am defiantly going to work on the one touch things first.  You rock

In other news.  I am really making a difference in my nephew's life.  He told his mom yesterday that i was a great Teller.  And the reason i am a great teller - Direct quote 'Erin taught me about zombies, that means she is a really great teller'.  Best moment of my life!

Rules of Line ups

So, i traded in my tiff voucher yesterday and because it was a tiff event....i waited in line for 2 hours.  While in this line, I thought about the rules when standing in a line.  First things first....space.  I like my personal space, and if there isn't much...it brings me to my second rule, please be considerate of the others around you. 
I had back packs in front of me, and they did not care if they swung them into me...also they were teenagers all gossipy gossipy.  Then behind me was a girl talking on the phone all loud and stuff. 

Anyways...this isn't my best post but i was crazy busy at work today and now i am super tired.  So i will do better tomorrow.

hipster?

When visiting with Leah on Saturday, i mentioned my new love of Girl Talk and she said that was very hipster of me.  But it was very unhipster of me to actually admit it.
Of course this made me think, do i have hipster tendencies?
So i am going to keep this post short today.  If at any time any of you see me turning into a hipster, you tell me.  I ain't no Hipster.  NO WAY.

TIFF

I saw 3 movies this weekend and a Leah.  I would say that means it was a good weekend.  Oh also, me and Amy had an Erin and Amy night where we did some shopping (i got a thrift store stand mixer for $20...so excited to start baking again!!! now i can make more bread).  Then off to the Local for some food, ciders and a little bit of a buzz.  For some reason the ciders went straight to our heads and we decided we would like to live in a place called KingTonOwa because it is a mash up of Kingston, Toronto, & Ottawa, and that way we would be with our friends in the same city.
On Saturday, i had my first movie, Goon, it was a Canadian hockey movie about enforcers.  It was hilarious, very violent, and I loved it.  Co-written by Jay Baraschal and staring Sean William Scott.  You will enjoy the movie, it offers no apologies for it's violence, and you will cheer on the main character Doug because he is just a big teddy bear that you want to hug.
Then a Leah visit happened which was wonderful, we grabbed dinner and ate very messy sandwiches and gossiped and caught up for a few hours before she had to head back home to Kingston.  She managed to see a few tiff movies as well.
Sunday, i had two movies, The Descendants with George Clooney, don't get excited, although he is in town, he didn't come to our screening.  I went with mom and dad and Andrea.  It was a good time, Andrea knit while waiting in line, mom read while standing on one foot to activate her core, i let dad play angry birds on my ipod while i annoyed them all by talking.  The movie itself was good, i enjoyed it but dad thought it moved too slow which i can see. 
Me and Andrea did some shopping after our movie, then i grabbed a sub for dinner and met up with steph for our final movie of the day, Sarah Palin, You Betcha.  It was an interesting movie.  You got major insight into her craziness and where it came from.  Why does it always come back to religion.  I believe there are many people who can have faith and participate in an organized religion but the zealots, i don't understand.  God from my knowledge is all about love but some people just twist that message and create enemies.  That is what Sarah does, if you aren't with her you are against her and if you express any opinion differing from her or her believes, she will see you as evil and you will need to be destroyed.  She doesn't just walk away from people she does everything in her power to destroy them.  That just seems like such a negative way to live your life.  Why waste all that energy on that hate.
Anyways...that was a major side note. 
I have three more movies, one of which i haven't decided on.

I have been crazy busy at work today but i am finally feeling a little ahead of my deadlines.  Sorry for the late post.

Finally Friday

OMG, Thank you world.  I am glad it is Friday, because seriously work has been stressful this week, i feel like i am always one step behind where i should be and like 18 steps behind where i want to be.  So i have 7 hours to get through today and then two blissful days of rest.  Although, i am toying with the idea of logging in from home and doing some extra work this weekend....just to get it off my desk so i feel up to speed.

I also put make up on to feel pretty today...and maybe just a little so the cute guy at work i have a little crush on notices me a little more.  I mean he knows who i am and i am sure he hasn't missed my boobs, because let's face it, who would miss them.  but i am more than just boobs people...and a little bit of make up ups my confidence.

In other obsessive news, i cracked and logged on to plenty of fish last night and i only got one new message, I am giving it maybe a month and then deleting the account.  Although, honest time, i haven't been seeking people out....just waiting for them to come to me.  But i don't want to search them out...i want them to come to me because although i am all girl power and everything, i still believe that the guy should make the first move.  Old fashioned i know, and i have made all the moves in the past but really...they have been HORRIBLY unsuccessful so i want to try something new and unusual where i am pursued instead of doing all the work. 

I keep asking myself the same questions....Am i not desirable? Am i unattractive? Am i unapproachable? Why can i be so certain and confidant about some things but turn into a 12 year old girl when it comes to guys.  A lot of times...i know i put on a don't approach vibe but only because i am afraid that if i put on a come talk to me vibe, they won't actually come...and i can't handle rejection, it is crushing to my soul.  Why do i care so much about finding a guy anyways...i have lived a successful life without one so far.  I guess i just feel like some thing's missing.  I have a lot of love and i am finally ready to share it.  Now it is just a matter of finding someone worthy and not settling for the first guy that shows interest.

Crazy is back

Okay, I am insane.  I think i am going to give myself a stress ulcer from work because i constantly pressure myself to be better.  I am working really hard on toning down my expectations for myself but i am a big ball of crazy so it's going to take awhile.  But i think it is a good start that i acknowledge that i have been doing a great job at work and i have been keeping up so far.  I just need to find my rythem which always takes a couple months anyways....and this is only the start of my 3 month...so i haven't even made it to my propation period yet. 
In other crazy news.....you know how i am big on instant results, so this online dating thing, my friend talked me into it and then builds it all up like, you are going to get a lot of creepy guys sending you pictures of your penis and so forth but you know it is a strange sort of confidence boost, because all these guys even though they are creeps are into you.  So i am expecting this wave of creepy but flattering messages...and as of yesterday i only had 4 and they were more like hey what's up.  It's not like i am saying i want penis pictures...but because i am crazy...i have now started thinking am i not attractive enough to send penis pictures to?  Which is completely mental.  I guess i was looking for a big confidence boost so i was expecting a big reaction and i am not getting the response i expected...so i am a little disappointed.  Does that make sense?

It's Official

I have entered the world of online dating....so far, not impressed....i know it's only been like 12 hours but i am not getting much interest except from 40 year olds.  But, heather helped me set it up and took a few pictures. 
I am also working very hard to accept my Zach Morris sized phone...it pisses me off all the time...did you know it is so stupidly big it doesn't fit in my jacket pocket...how am i suppose to maintain my super awesome cool image if i am carrying around this phone.  But this is needed...i broke my phone twice in the last year...maybe the last six months.  If i am going to be that much of a butterfingers...then i must suffer the punishment of the otter box.  It will probably survive the nuclear apocalypse....even though there will be no service, i will still have a phone!

No onto a small rant.  Okay people, here's the deal...i am usually great at reading people, i trust my instincts, most of the time, except when i am blinded by a super hot guy...but even then...if you are sending off strong douche signals...attraction dies.  Where am i going with this you wonder.
Well, this plenty of fish thing got me thinking....what attracts me most to a guy.  He is has to be funny, nice, generous, thoughtful, and understands the crazy that is Erin.  I am sure i mentioned this before...but what i have failed to mention is what really attracts me, someone completely comfortable in their own skin.  Whoever they are, whatever their interests...they are like dude - this is who i am, accept it or whatever..That really works for me.  Do you think that will come across online?  I am not sure...this is why i am still uncertain about online dating. 
Too bad i am too chicken to walk up to my work crush (he's a ginger) and be like dude what's up.  or How you doing.  If only i had the confidence to pull that off...but i am too much of a dork and it would come off all dorky.

PS...i am like officially obsessed with this dude/band, Girl Talk, that guy that does all those mash-ups of songs.  It is perfect, workout/dancing music.

Blargha!

Okay, so that is not a word but more an expression of my feelings.  This weekend, it did not go at all like i planned.  I was going to have a nice relaxing mini vacation but instead a few things ran off course.  Thursday i got my hair done, and i loved it when she did it it was all glossy and shiny and smooth.  I of course can't replicate it at all and now i am uncertain of my bang situation. 
Then Friday....that actually was a good day, spent it with Andrea and the kids and enjoyed some shopping and quality time.
Saturday....let's just say, me and steph should not fundraise together....we weren't so good.  and we were in the middle of nowhere which meant we didn't get a very high traffic volume.  Then there was a little bit of a grumpy steph....but we started playing this new apple game - tiny tower.  It is a very addictive game.
Sunday, I went shopping and hung out with mom and dad but then the worst thing happened.  Taking the go train home and there was a police investigation at danforth go station.  So the train wasn't running past Scarborough....so i have to get off, in the pouring rain with a bunch of suburban yahoos that are going out to the big city for the night.  Can you picture me, annoyed and soaked crowded into a bus stop waiting for the 102 to warden station with a bunch of people who have no idea what they are doing.  I love having my personal space, not so big on getting close with a bunch of strangers.  So that had me grouchy...then it taking me twice as long to get home....and the final cherry.....i had to miss my friends gathering because i was so behind schedule, and i had such a stress headache. 
Oh and then the final final annoyance, I was putting my phone on the counter and it slipped out of my hand as i was putting it down and it hit the counter then bounced and fell to the floor, smashing apart.  I pick it up put the battery and cover back on it....and the screen is fucked.  I can't read a thing.  So you would think that my reaction would be a big grumpy freak out but nope....i was very calm over the whole thing which was strange. 
So off i go to Rogers at the Eaton's Centre yesterday, the only place open on labour day that i can get to that has a rogers....i upgrade my phone which costs like a million dollars (there goes my tattoo fund) (extra sad face!!)  Then spent another 50 on a case, something called the box which should provide protection...crazy protection.  The only draw back from all this protection...the phone is now huge...like Zack Morris huge.  I am not too happy about the size of the phone...and i am still annoyed about the money to appreciate the phone.

Anyways....successful purchases of the weekend before the phone. 
1. Green cape jacket for fall.  i love it it is quite unusual and very flattering
2. Two sweaters from walmart, a grey one with blue flowers for work and a grey and yellow striped one for causal
3. Boots....brown ankle boots that are adorable...i had a tough time deciding between black and brown but i already have numerous black books and no brown ankle boots so i think i made the right choice.