Wednesday night i did my first official post injury yoga class. It was tough and the instructor moved through the poses very quickly. I had to modify a lot of the moves where the left leg was dominant. It just isn't ready to completely hold me up.
I am exhausted but it is that time of year at work that you are exhausted for like 4 months straight. All i really want to do is sleep through my weekend. But with the baby shower next weekend, i have a bunch of stuff to do. I want to do a bunch of baking for the shower.....so i will be testing recipes this weekend. I am thinking colourful cookies, some fun cupcakes, maybe some cronuts, maybe some timbits...i am excited for baking.
It is friday again!!! Which means we are almost the longest from monday in terms of days off. I am thinking of going to a yoga class on saturday afternoon, it is a restorative class which might be very nice to have a quiet relaxing exercise class.
I am getting back on track!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 27, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
My show is back
New girl is back on television and it makes me happy. I am glad it is back. I missed my fictional boyfriend. Man i wish Nick Miller was a real person....he is the perfect mix of dorky and funny.
In other exciting news......I got new grey jeans. Thanks to H&M and Amy. I am wearing them today, to get them all worn in. They are a little low but i am willing to overlook a lot for grey jeans that don't have a hole in the butt. I got another pair of jeans, they are this blacky grey pair with wierd stitching at the knees but i kind of love them the most. they are the best! They had them in grey but not in my size. They also had these other cool pair that were grey again not in my size. But i am finding H&M is shrinking their sizes. They keep getting smaller and smaller. So there isn't a lot that fits me there anymore. But they do have great inexpensive blazers that i can wear at work. Not that i really work in a blazer environment.
I also watched Whedon's new show last night. I liked it, it was good but i think it needs a few episodes to settle into itself, i think it is still proving that it can hold up to the avengers. But it doesn't need too. What Whedon has always been good at is character development. Making characters that are complex and interesting and never perfect. The snappy banter was there but the most interesting character in the whole show was the agent he recruited, maggie, she was a desk agent and didn't want to go out in the field. And then, the other agents recognized her and she was super awesome at kick people's butts. So i am all curious about her. I think she may be my favourite....also she is the strong silent type and i like that..it is a good balance against the horrible overtalking duo of the tech team. They are just a little too much for me right now. i think they will eventually win me over but for now....not my favourites.
In other exciting news......I got new grey jeans. Thanks to H&M and Amy. I am wearing them today, to get them all worn in. They are a little low but i am willing to overlook a lot for grey jeans that don't have a hole in the butt. I got another pair of jeans, they are this blacky grey pair with wierd stitching at the knees but i kind of love them the most. they are the best! They had them in grey but not in my size. They also had these other cool pair that were grey again not in my size. But i am finding H&M is shrinking their sizes. They keep getting smaller and smaller. So there isn't a lot that fits me there anymore. But they do have great inexpensive blazers that i can wear at work. Not that i really work in a blazer environment.
I also watched Whedon's new show last night. I liked it, it was good but i think it needs a few episodes to settle into itself, i think it is still proving that it can hold up to the avengers. But it doesn't need too. What Whedon has always been good at is character development. Making characters that are complex and interesting and never perfect. The snappy banter was there but the most interesting character in the whole show was the agent he recruited, maggie, she was a desk agent and didn't want to go out in the field. And then, the other agents recognized her and she was super awesome at kick people's butts. So i am all curious about her. I think she may be my favourite....also she is the strong silent type and i like that..it is a good balance against the horrible overtalking duo of the tech team. They are just a little too much for me right now. i think they will eventually win me over but for now....not my favourites.
Friday, September 20, 2013
TGIF For Ever
So it is friday, i am so glad it is friday. I am in a crazy happy mood which is so strange in comparison to how i felt all week. I really wanted to send this week away forever. I am tired and grumpy and all i can think about is sleeping. But i am weirdly peppy today. I don't know why...maybe because it is friday, maybe because i am all pepped up on tea. Maybe i have just snapped.
All options are very realistic possibilities but i don't think any of them are singly responsible for what is happening with my mood. I am very tired of being grumpy all the time, and i was reminded yesterday that although i am currently frustrated with work there are a lot of people behind me, supporting me. I have to remember that and not get so bogged down with negative. I need to re-establish my chill. What i really need is my exercise outlet. But i have to get my back better and my ankle better.
I am actually starting yoga next week. The place my physio guy recommended never got back to me...so forget them. I am going to yogatree starting next week.
I also have big plans this weekend. Tonight is Laundry-gedon....then tomorrow i go to mom and dad's build a pillow fort and don't come out until Sunday night.
All options are very realistic possibilities but i don't think any of them are singly responsible for what is happening with my mood. I am very tired of being grumpy all the time, and i was reminded yesterday that although i am currently frustrated with work there are a lot of people behind me, supporting me. I have to remember that and not get so bogged down with negative. I need to re-establish my chill. What i really need is my exercise outlet. But i have to get my back better and my ankle better.
I am actually starting yoga next week. The place my physio guy recommended never got back to me...so forget them. I am going to yogatree starting next week.
I also have big plans this weekend. Tonight is Laundry-gedon....then tomorrow i go to mom and dad's build a pillow fort and don't come out until Sunday night.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
MOOD SWING
So, last night doing absolutely nothing, my back spasmed and now i am in major pain and i also walk like a crazy person. I hate this....i hate this sooooo much.....i was making so much progress and now i feel like i have failed.
I am my back is a combination of an already weak back, stress, and the limping and unbalanced leg stuff. Now i am working to get better and i am doing my exercises but it seems like it isn't helping. And with work being INSANE right now...i am crazy stressed. I need to learn how to better deal with this. I think i am going to find someone to talk to who can help me deal with this stress, i am unhappy at work, i don't want to be, i still love my company but one bad apple is driving me out. I am like inches from finding a new job. I don't have the energy anymore to stay above it all. I don't know how to go back to rising above it. It is like i have forgotten how to keep myself separated from all the negative stuff that happens. I use to be so good at staying out of the negative and staying happy.
So....how do i find someone to talk to, someone who can teach me coping techniques. The worst part is a get so mad at myself for getting pulled into these things. It makes me look bad. I pride myself on being good at my job...at having a reputation of being someone you can come to for answers and being pivotal to helping everything flow smoothly.
But i currently feel like one giant raw nerve that is minutes from either balling or flipping a table. So, finding someone to talk to is important. But i don't know where to start. Where to go looking for a person?
All i know is i can't continue on as is. and i keep promising myself i am going to remain positive and remain above all the drama but it is all talk or has been so far because i say it and then two seconds later, i am complaining about everything. It is like i have been infected with a negative virus.
I am going to get a massage at lunch, there is a place in the bottom of my building at work...i am going to make them fix my back or i hope they will fix my back. I will keep you posted.
I am my back is a combination of an already weak back, stress, and the limping and unbalanced leg stuff. Now i am working to get better and i am doing my exercises but it seems like it isn't helping. And with work being INSANE right now...i am crazy stressed. I need to learn how to better deal with this. I think i am going to find someone to talk to who can help me deal with this stress, i am unhappy at work, i don't want to be, i still love my company but one bad apple is driving me out. I am like inches from finding a new job. I don't have the energy anymore to stay above it all. I don't know how to go back to rising above it. It is like i have forgotten how to keep myself separated from all the negative stuff that happens. I use to be so good at staying out of the negative and staying happy.
So....how do i find someone to talk to, someone who can teach me coping techniques. The worst part is a get so mad at myself for getting pulled into these things. It makes me look bad. I pride myself on being good at my job...at having a reputation of being someone you can come to for answers and being pivotal to helping everything flow smoothly.
But i currently feel like one giant raw nerve that is minutes from either balling or flipping a table. So, finding someone to talk to is important. But i don't know where to start. Where to go looking for a person?
All i know is i can't continue on as is. and i keep promising myself i am going to remain positive and remain above all the drama but it is all talk or has been so far because i say it and then two seconds later, i am complaining about everything. It is like i have been infected with a negative virus.
I am going to get a massage at lunch, there is a place in the bottom of my building at work...i am going to make them fix my back or i hope they will fix my back. I will keep you posted.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Function over Fashion = Sadface
So i had my first physio appointment post cane and shoe freedom. And it was painful. Due to the craziness of my week, i didn't get to do my exercises for a few days.....that plus the sneaker wedges = Backsliding and pain.
So here is what i have learned, if i don't do my physio exercises religiously then i backslide. I tighten up and i start really limping again. So no matter what i do, i have to spend time doing the exercises.
I spent the weekend running around. Saturday was Alex's baby shower. It was awesome to see everyone although it was a long car ride. Then back to mom and dad's for cat time. But on the way home i convinced andrea to stop at michael's for some craft supplies. I am currently obsessed with making rings. You can buy ring forms then superglue anything you want to it. It is super awesome. I also got apoxy resin and these metal bottle caps that i can fill then i am going to make like shadow boxes in the bottle caps i just need to decide what to put in the bottle caps, words, pictures, beads, sparkles. There are lots of options. I may wait to do that on the weekend at mom and dad's because my apartment is very small and very cat haired and you are suppose to do resin in a dust free environment. I can't wait to try it.
Sunday we went to steph's house and did chores. Then i came home and finally cleaned my kitchen. I needed the cleaning juices to start flowing before i tackled my apartment...and helping at steph's jump started them and i was able to get pretty far on my own place. I am going to try to keep things moving forward and preemptively do laundry tonight.
The only drawback of this weekend was after an insane and busy week at work....all i crave is a lazy weekend on my butt but that's okay...that is what i have next weekend for. And now that both baby blankets are done, i can get back to making christmas presents. I am going to try to make a lot of my presents this year.....although i wanted to get kelly a big skull candle. I think i can make one, i just need to find a mold. Now....where to find a giant skull candle mold......TO THE INTERNET!
So here is what i have learned, if i don't do my physio exercises religiously then i backslide. I tighten up and i start really limping again. So no matter what i do, i have to spend time doing the exercises.
I spent the weekend running around. Saturday was Alex's baby shower. It was awesome to see everyone although it was a long car ride. Then back to mom and dad's for cat time. But on the way home i convinced andrea to stop at michael's for some craft supplies. I am currently obsessed with making rings. You can buy ring forms then superglue anything you want to it. It is super awesome. I also got apoxy resin and these metal bottle caps that i can fill then i am going to make like shadow boxes in the bottle caps i just need to decide what to put in the bottle caps, words, pictures, beads, sparkles. There are lots of options. I may wait to do that on the weekend at mom and dad's because my apartment is very small and very cat haired and you are suppose to do resin in a dust free environment. I can't wait to try it.
Sunday we went to steph's house and did chores. Then i came home and finally cleaned my kitchen. I needed the cleaning juices to start flowing before i tackled my apartment...and helping at steph's jump started them and i was able to get pretty far on my own place. I am going to try to keep things moving forward and preemptively do laundry tonight.
The only drawback of this weekend was after an insane and busy week at work....all i crave is a lazy weekend on my butt but that's okay...that is what i have next weekend for. And now that both baby blankets are done, i can get back to making christmas presents. I am going to try to make a lot of my presents this year.....although i wanted to get kelly a big skull candle. I think i can make one, i just need to find a mold. Now....where to find a giant skull candle mold......TO THE INTERNET!
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Fake it until I make it?????
So in all the excitment of being able to wear shoes that match my outfits. I don't think i can stress enough how annoying it was wearing running shoes with all my pretty work outfits. Nothing ruins an outfit faster than the wrong shoes.
Anyways.....in all this shoe excitment, i have forgotten one key factor. My foot is still slightly swelly and not of my shoes fit perfectly. Also, i am not 100% yet so when i act like i am 100%, my foot reminds me that i am pushing it.
The only shoes that i have been comfortable in for long periods of walking are my converse. The sneaker wedges come second...my flats are completely out due to the swelling. I wore them on monday and my feet rejected them so much that i declared it a no shoe day and walked around the office barefoot. I wore the sneaker wedges yesterday and they lasted about 2/3's of the day before i started to limp. Today i decided i would wear my awesome studded motorcycle boots because i am wearing an adorable dress, and the boots work so well to contrast the dress. but two steps out of the door and i could tell that they were slightly too loose for good walking support. But i powered forward. Now that i am at work, i am wondering do i go back to the comfort of sneaker wedges or do the big boots?
Anyways.....in all this shoe excitment, i have forgotten one key factor. My foot is still slightly swelly and not of my shoes fit perfectly. Also, i am not 100% yet so when i act like i am 100%, my foot reminds me that i am pushing it.
The only shoes that i have been comfortable in for long periods of walking are my converse. The sneaker wedges come second...my flats are completely out due to the swelling. I wore them on monday and my feet rejected them so much that i declared it a no shoe day and walked around the office barefoot. I wore the sneaker wedges yesterday and they lasted about 2/3's of the day before i started to limp. Today i decided i would wear my awesome studded motorcycle boots because i am wearing an adorable dress, and the boots work so well to contrast the dress. but two steps out of the door and i could tell that they were slightly too loose for good walking support. But i powered forward. Now that i am at work, i am wondering do i go back to the comfort of sneaker wedges or do the big boots?
Monday, September 9, 2013
The art of Zen
So, i maintained my positivity through friday into saturday. So i feel like i am on the right track. I am not letting the negative take me down. Although so far, today is a struggle. There is one thing that drives me crazier than anything and it is nitpicking. There has been some nitpicking today and it makes me want to say 'thanks so much, i am a moron and wouldn't have figured that out' but BUT....i am not suppose to give into anger and negativity. So deep breaths and focus on doing a great job and not letting anything get you down.
I need some tea. The tea brings the calm. The calm brings the clarity, and the clarity brings the zen. I need to try meditating but i am not good enough with it yet to have it carry me through the stressful parts.
I need some tea. The tea brings the calm. The calm brings the clarity, and the clarity brings the zen. I need to try meditating but i am not good enough with it yet to have it carry me through the stressful parts.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Freedom
My fresh start is in an upward trajectory. I have signed up for this website where i am suppose to log my food (i have logged one sandwich so far, so it's not a complete success. I also have yet to eat three full meals in a day...i have mastered two meals a day which was better than my previous record, 0 - 1 meal a day). I am proud to say i am now cane free and i am allowed to wear my choice of shoes. Of course my choice is sneaker wedges. Don't worry, i asked Matt if sneaker wedges were included in my choice of shoes....he said yes. I am wearing them right NOW!
I want to keep this positivity surrounding me. I am going to fight very hard to not let negativity in. That is my promise to myself. That means, no more venting, no more complaining. Just deep breaths and focus on the good. I feel like my negativity feeds my anger and that i am stuck in a downward spiral of anger and negativeness. I know i have said this before....i know that i have made this promise to myself. But i have to let things go....for my own sanity and happiness. I can't control the things and people around me but i can control my response to those outside stressers. I have been letting their stress and negativity affect me and bring me down. What i need to do is project outward vibes of positivity and calmness. You know that saying Like attracts Like. Well i don't like what i am attracting right now.
So, my promise to you....blog world.....is to try and remain calm and positive and always look at the bright side. I will not allow the negative to pull me back down. If it starts to happen...i will excuse myself to the bathroom and take a deep breath and make a plan.
I want to keep this positivity surrounding me. I am going to fight very hard to not let negativity in. That is my promise to myself. That means, no more venting, no more complaining. Just deep breaths and focus on the good. I feel like my negativity feeds my anger and that i am stuck in a downward spiral of anger and negativeness. I know i have said this before....i know that i have made this promise to myself. But i have to let things go....for my own sanity and happiness. I can't control the things and people around me but i can control my response to those outside stressers. I have been letting their stress and negativity affect me and bring me down. What i need to do is project outward vibes of positivity and calmness. You know that saying Like attracts Like. Well i don't like what i am attracting right now.
So, my promise to you....blog world.....is to try and remain calm and positive and always look at the bright side. I will not allow the negative to pull me back down. If it starts to happen...i will excuse myself to the bathroom and take a deep breath and make a plan.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Fresh Start
So....i have been feeling low and eating my feelings a lot. And some believe that the bad eating is the reason i am feeling so low. I am sure that is it. I do have some irrational anger that doesn't make sense, and no matter how much i sleep, i am still exhausted. Today the circles under my eyes are crazy big, and i went to sleep at like 11 last night and got up at like 7:30 today.
I need a reboot, and starting today, it is reboot day. I am going to try to go to yoga tomorrow or thursday and healthy eating is my goal. I need to get organized and i need to focus. I want to get better, i want to be happy. But it seems like every time i say that, i get disappointed again.
I am jealous of everyone who is doing better, who is happy. I don't want to begrudge anyone their happiness, everyone deserves it. But how come I can't get there. Ryan asked me a few weeks ago, what do i want to be? Simple answer....i want to be happy. Content with my life, satisfied that i am being the best version of myself, i am being true to who i am, and i am putting out into the world what i want to get back. It is kind of a simple concept, but i find it the hardest thing in the world.
I have finally got the confidence to be who i am, and be happy with that. But that is only part of the puzzle. There's work, i love my company and believe a hundred percent in the work but my current job is frustrating me and i feel like it is holding me back.
Relationships....that topic could turn into a whole separate post. But to put it at it's most basic level. I am terrified of forming that connection with another person...letting them in and being vulnerable with them....risking it. I run at the first possible chance to run. I have always said that when i meet the right someone, i won't want to run. But i am not so sure anymore. I think i haven't let myself love anyone because, when i give it, i know i won't ever be able to stop. I love my family to distraction, they come first no matter what. If/when i finally fall in love with a guy, i am assuming i will be the same. And my past history of guy choices have been monumentally horrible, i have been cheated on and tossed aside, i have never been number one for any of the guys i have dated. I think it is time for a change and think outside of the box. Try looking at different guys that my normal type of douche bag.
But before i do any of that. I have to stop being so angry at the world. So as i finally get clearance for working out, Andrea thinks i need to focus on my eating habits. I am debating scheduling an appointment with a nutritionist because i have never had good eating habits and i have no idea where to start. I have also found a self help book i want to read.
Big changes don't happen over night but i figure i have to start somewhere. And if i don't start now, i may never start and become a very angry lonely person. I don't want that. I want to be Happy.
I need a reboot, and starting today, it is reboot day. I am going to try to go to yoga tomorrow or thursday and healthy eating is my goal. I need to get organized and i need to focus. I want to get better, i want to be happy. But it seems like every time i say that, i get disappointed again.
I am jealous of everyone who is doing better, who is happy. I don't want to begrudge anyone their happiness, everyone deserves it. But how come I can't get there. Ryan asked me a few weeks ago, what do i want to be? Simple answer....i want to be happy. Content with my life, satisfied that i am being the best version of myself, i am being true to who i am, and i am putting out into the world what i want to get back. It is kind of a simple concept, but i find it the hardest thing in the world.
I have finally got the confidence to be who i am, and be happy with that. But that is only part of the puzzle. There's work, i love my company and believe a hundred percent in the work but my current job is frustrating me and i feel like it is holding me back.
Relationships....that topic could turn into a whole separate post. But to put it at it's most basic level. I am terrified of forming that connection with another person...letting them in and being vulnerable with them....risking it. I run at the first possible chance to run. I have always said that when i meet the right someone, i won't want to run. But i am not so sure anymore. I think i haven't let myself love anyone because, when i give it, i know i won't ever be able to stop. I love my family to distraction, they come first no matter what. If/when i finally fall in love with a guy, i am assuming i will be the same. And my past history of guy choices have been monumentally horrible, i have been cheated on and tossed aside, i have never been number one for any of the guys i have dated. I think it is time for a change and think outside of the box. Try looking at different guys that my normal type of douche bag.
But before i do any of that. I have to stop being so angry at the world. So as i finally get clearance for working out, Andrea thinks i need to focus on my eating habits. I am debating scheduling an appointment with a nutritionist because i have never had good eating habits and i have no idea where to start. I have also found a self help book i want to read.
Big changes don't happen over night but i figure i have to start somewhere. And if i don't start now, i may never start and become a very angry lonely person. I don't want that. I want to be Happy.
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