First Week

So.....i completed my first week and i survived.

I actually felt like i could do this.  That i can do this new job.

It is what i have been working towards for a year.  And now that i have it.  I am feeling overwhelmed...not with the job.  I feel like i can handle the job.  I feel overwhelmed with life in general.

It has been a year since i broke my ankle and got pneumonia.  I was told my 33rd year was going to be the best year of my life because i am still young and carefree but old enough to be established in a career and can afford the things i love.  It was not so much.  My birthday is in two months.  I turn 34.  I feel like i am finally getting things on track.  But i can't seem to shake the negatives.

Maybe it is just June.  It is a terrible month (or it has been last year and this year is not winning any awards.)

Maybe it is the fact that i am turning 34 and still feel like i am 24.  I know that i am not the most traditional person. But i have to ask myself some tough questions.  Do i want to get married and have kids?  is that want i want?  Should i be working towards that?

I do know i want a dog and a house with a little bit of land so i can have a garden.  I love living downtown but i always saw myself eventually moving to Ajax (near andrea) in a tiny cottage like house and having a craft room and a dog and a garden where all my plants routinely die.

But i am not ready for that, financially or maturity level wise.  I like living in the city, i like my super short commute to work.  I like being able to just go out with friends whenever i want.  Maybe the suburb life isn't for me?  Maybe kids aren't for me?  I just don't know.

I just expected with this job, a new fresh invigorated outlook on life would take place.  That i would have some answers or i would be able to answer some of my own questions.

I can't.

I am still burying my head in the sand and pretending that i am 24 and carefree.

One Small Step for Normal People

One Large step for ME!

Yesterday was the first day of my new job.  Although, my manager is on vacation until tomorrow, i have also been told i need to continue to help support my old team until they find a replacement.  So i guess nothing is really new today except a fancy new job title and eventually a new desk....with less privacy than my old desk.

Oh Well.


In other news.....i am not feeling so peppy today.

There are things i need to talk about but i am not ready to mention them here.

I need some time to process.