The Battle Royal

I have spent the last few months in crazytown.  I always forget how busy this time of the year is until it is actually happening.  There are late nights and early mornings and a lot of balls in the air.

So...what's been happening with me since i last told you of my mental crazy?  Well, i have seemed to find a good balance between my fears, anger, and 'don't careness'.  I have been overwhelmed with negative emotions because that is how i process big life changes.

So...the battle royal happened internally and i think for once, the optimistic positive person may came out on top?  Do you know what i miss, worrying about tv shows and obsessing over new movies.  I am tired of worrying about heavy things like life and death.  Seriously....i have had to face some issues that i have happily ignored my entire life.  Like mortality.  Personally i had chosen to believe that everyone lives forever in a happy safe bubble.  Apparently that is not true, there is illness and sickness out there, there is darkness and evil out there.  And things happen that we cannot control.

So....when is it time to get back to the happy go lucky me?  Hopefully soon.  According to my counselor, i am experiencing a lot of swinging emotions right now because when things were bad....i didn't let myself feel anything.  During the months i should have worried, i pushed all the feelings away and now that everything is okay...i have allowed myself to feel.


Hopefully there will be more blog posts in the future...hopefully they will be happier....and hopefully i will stop being so hard on myself.