I have been starting and stopping blog posts for the last two months. There are things i want to say but i don't know how and there are things i don't even want to think about....So i avoid the one place i try not to lie to myself.....my blog.
It has been a strange 9 months. I got a temporary promotion at work, my brain freaked out due to stress, and my dad got cancer. Most of the stress was due to worrying about my dad...i don't know if you guys know this but i am a HUGE daddy's girl, and i am super close to my family.....even just the thought of losing someone sends me into a giant tailspin.
But i am not going to write about that because i wrote this short story...actually i sent it to a friend to edit so i could submit it to the short story contest...i have missed the deadline because she didn't edit it...but that is a different issue. The short story was mainly me just blogging about my feelings. I think i am going to review it and post it here.
What i am writing about today, what i think it is time to get back to....is that i start and stop things, i am not great at completing or finishing things. I am afraid to fail and so i never get started. I also have this major confidence thing where i don't believe in myself in certain areas. I guess i don't think i am special....which is crazy because people tell me all the time i am special and unique and why can't i hear them or believe them?
Okay....stop beating myself up. I am a bully but only to myself.
What i did yesterday....to make a change....our EAP at work has this life coach service. I know there are a lot of people in my family or friends that could be a wonderful life coach but i need an unbiased third party. I learned from my counseling that i listen way better to a stranger telling me what to do then a friend. So i have started the process and will have a life coach soon who can help me stop standing still and move forward and make changes and finally take the risks i want to.
